September Song

"Oh, its a long, long time.." But no, we're not going to talk about that. Instead, we're considering these last days of August, when your thoughts may be on these topics:

* Realizing you have less than a week left to wear your whites

* Facing a return to the classroom, whether student or teacher

* Wondering whether to bet on the Roughriders or the Blue Bombers in the Banjo Bowl

For some, though--an elite group of masochists--all their energy and intelligence will be focussed on the 3-Day Novel Contest--the annual literary marathon, in which competitors are challenged to write a complete novel in 72 hours. The frantic scribbling begins at 12:01 a.m. August 31 and must end by 11:59 p.m. September 2.

As a veteran of these contests, bearing the scars of split infinitives, dangling participles, mixed metaphors and fractured syntax, we stand at the sidelines, offering sympathy and frequent boosts of nuclear strength coffee.

Write on!

A-Rod and Luo

Scott Stinson, who continues to demonstrate that sports writers are the best in the business, writes that Alex Rodriguez claims to have had $500,000 worth of items lifted from his rented SUV.

Good that Jennifer Lopez wasn't in the car, or she'd be gone, too.

In other sports news, the Florida Panthers have announced they are retiring the jersey of goaltender Roberto Luongo. There is some discussion on whether the Vancouver Canucks should do the same.
We do not have a vote on this, but we think Cioppino's should name Luongo's regular pre-game dish in his honor: Luo's Lobster Linguine.

--Slap Maxwell.

Welcome, Agnes!

There are many of us--well, perhaps not many--who lament the ending of the Golden Age of Comic Strips. No more Li'l Abner. No more Steve Canyon. Or Moon Mullins, Smokey Stover, the Nutt Brothers, Ches and Wall, or The Phantom, the Ghost Who Walks.

There was a period when we had Doonesbury, Bloom County, Ernie, Calvin and Hobbes, but they, too, have returned to their creators' ink pots.

For the last long time, we have clung to Monty, the way a wanderer stranded in a desert clings to a water hole. But recently, we have been blessed with the arrival of Agnes, a strip of refreshing quirkiness.

Agnes, the work of Tony Cochran, is the most minimalist of cartoons since Krazy Kat. Usually only two characters appear: Agnes and her androgynous friend Trout. Their principal activity is dumpster diving. When not engaged in searching for junk Agnes always proclaims priceless (a glass door knob is "the biggest diamond ever found in the state of Iowa") they lie foot to foot in a backyard kiddies' pool exploring the meaning of life. Agnes is said to live in a trailer court with her grandmother, but the grandmother seldom appears.

We were surprised, after our scholarly research, to find that the comic strip Agnes has been around since 1999. We're glad to report it has finally surfaced in a newspaper near you.

You may also want to know that Amazon has one (1) copy of the cartoonist's autograph. It reads "Be good. Tony Cochran." As Agnes would point out, it is undoubtedly a priceless treasure.

Every Underdog has its Day

Dave Frishberg, who wrote the lyrics for Al Cohn's "The Underdog," would have like Thursday's CFL games, in both of which the underdog triumphed.

The most dramatic turnaround saw the lowly Toronto Argonauts, coming from a string of six defeats, triumphing over the Winnipeg Bluebombers, a team that had enjoyed five straight wins, and generally acknowledged the league's best. It was a grand night for Corey Chamblin, the Billy Eckstine handsome Argos coach, and for the quarterback with the CFL's most memorable name: McLeod Bethel-Thompson.

Who knows what further Cinderella turns the season may take?

Not me. But it will be fun to watch.

--Slap Maxwell.