Spooky Movie Night

Get a big bowl of bourbon caramels, turn off the lights, and watch these:

"The Body Snatcher," with Boris Karloff, the original Frankenstein's monster, and Bela Lugosi, the original Dracula. Based on a Robert Louis Stevenson story, itself based on the murderous Burke and Hare, who in 19th century Edinburgh found profit in supplying anatomist Robert Knox with bodies for dissection.

"Invasion of the Body Snatchers." No relation to Burke and Hare, these creatures are vegetables that take over human forms. Jack Finney came up with this idea, long before plant-based burgers.

"Rosemary's Baby." The message of this tale is that if someone who looks like John Cassavetes asks to swap neckties with you, don't do it.

"The Uninvited." In which Ray Milland successfully evicts a ghost from a haunted house.

"The Seventh Victim." This Tom Conway film from the 1940s is so scary, it sent one viewer fleeing the theatre. But he went back the next day to see how it ended.

"Wait Until Dark." If you know Alan Arkin only as the benign octogenarian of "The Kominsky Method," wait until you see him stalking Audrey Hepburn.

"Young Frankenstein." Comic relief time. Mix yourself a Corpse Reviver and watch the monster do "Puttin' On the Ritz."

MOP

MOP should not be confused with the old swing tune "Mop Mop." To CFL fans, MOP stands for Most Outstanding Player, and at this time of year, said fans wonder who will take the award. For different reasons, which not everyone accepts, two obvious candidates--Andrew Harris and Bo Levi Mitchell--may be out of the running. There has been much talk about defensive players being named MOP, especially among defensive players. Over to you, Willie Jefferson and Charleston Hughes.

Other names leap to mind: Vernon Adams, Jr., Cody Fajardo, Brian Burnham, Dane Evans, Brandon Banks, et al. (And wasn't it great to see Zach Collaros back in action?)

But what we really came to talk about, what this corner wishes to propose, are three new MOP awards. They would be given for:

Most Outrageous Tattoos

Most Outrageous Hairstyle

Most Outrageous Trash Talk

Nominations accepted now.

--Slap Maxwell.

Hallowe'en Special

Andrew Scheer masks--now all half-price!

Oops!

That's what happens when you write a piece before the final count is in. Ms. Wilson-Raybould lands in the winners column, not the losers, having captured the affection and support of her Vancouver Granville constituents. There were other unfortunate losers--Lisa Raitt, Ralph Goodale, et al.--but time to move on. Nothing more to see here.

Here's to the Losers

Here's to those who left the polls feeling full of cheer,
And now are sadly sobbing in their pints of beer.
To those who ran not thinking they could ever fall--
Here's to the losers, bless them all.

Here's to Dimples Scheer and Maxime Bernier.
Gotta tell you, fellas, it wasn't gonna be your day.
Now you're waiting nervously to get the party's call--
Here's to the losers, bless them all.

And Lisa Raitt and Jane Philpott,
A noble battle that you went and fought.
But politics ain't Champagne, it's often bitter gall.
Here's to the losers, bless them all.

Now here's the final toast before we hit the bars:
Some people must be losers so others can be stars.
But another election's coming, maybe next summer or next fall.
So hang in there--bless you all!

McTurk is Ready

A CNN reporter was able to get a moment with Steve McTurk, and said, "Mr. McTurk, you've scored a great victory in swinging people away from turkeys on the Canadian Thanksgiving, but you realize the American Thanksgiving is still to come."

"We're ready for that," said McTurk. "We've engaged Alan Dershowitz. He is prepared to declare the consumption of innocent birds unconstitutional, and will take that all the way to the Supreme Court."

"The Supreme Court, Mr. McTurk?"

"Right. We'll go for an injunction first, and then he'll present our case while the Justices are sitting, and to seal the deal, he'll send in a platter of Plant Burgers."

McTurk at Work

As Thanksgiving approaches, with families looking forward to the traditional feast, Steve McTurk, legendary hero of guerrilla warfare to defend turkeys, is leading a mass protest. McTurk and several thousand turkeys are gathered on Parliament Hill, demanding that, in his words, "the barbaric consumption of turkeys comes to an end." Said McTurk: "Let them eat tofu."

Similar protests are taking place in major cities across the country. In Toronto, marchers carried banners reading "Stop being jerks--lay off the turks." In Vancouver, signs said "Leave us alone, and get stuffed yourself."

McTurk said the protest on behalf of turkeys should in no way be confused with support for Turkish leader Recep Tayyip Erdogan. "He is not one of us," said McTurk. "If he had feathers he'd be a vulture."

When one reporter commented that it was unusual to see a poultry protest, saying, "We've never seen your barnyard neighbors engage in this aggressive manner," Steve McTurk had a quick answer: "Yeah," he said. "Now you know why they call them chickens."

Book Clubs, take note

After a year of standing in the corner, the arbiters of the Nobel Prize in Literature have proclaimed two new laureates: Olga Tokarczuk of Poland receives the 2018 award; Peter Handke, originally of Austria, is the 2019 winner.

Hands up, all those familiar with their work. A challenge for book clubs through winter.

Hemingway's first words on being named the 1954 winner: "No writer who knows the great writers who did not receive the Prize can accept it other than with humility."

The Horsetail Tackle

Note from a friend who went with three buddies to last week's Seahawks-Rams game in Seattle: "We had fabulous seats, five rows up at the 40 behind the Rams bench. Of course, we could have pooled the tickets price and bought a car."

Back in the CFL, another nine hours of eye-glazing, mind-numbing Saturday action. Most memorable moment came when a running back was pulled down by his crimson hair. What is known as a horse collar tackle is illegal, but not what one commentator correctly dubbed a "horsetail tackle." The rule is that if a player's hair is long enough to come down over his jersey, it is considered part of his uniform.

All football fans, in their home stadiums, now take it upon themselves to make a lot of noise, intended to throw the visiting team off its game. Some of the fans rise and wave their arms, conducting the cacophony. And while there is an element of craziness among all devoted followers, Saskatchewan Roughriders fans must take the prize for goofiest costumes, ever since inventing the watermelon helmet and watermelon brassiere.

A bad day on the road for the Edmonton Eskimos and Toronto Argonauts. They would have had long, gloomy flights home, especially the Argos, who fell to the kind of score Vancouver's Notre Dame high school used to inflict: 55-8. One viewer tweeted that the Argos have proven themselves "masters of dark humor."

And finally, Winnipeg Blue Bombers may have lost their number one position in the west, but Coach Mike O'Shea has shown himself to be a serious contender in the Ernest Hemingway Lookalike Contest.

--Slap Maxwell.

One More Giant Gone

Jessye Norman, a singer majestic in every sense, has died, at what seems to us the still too young age of seventy-four.

Some of us remember her performance in Vancouver during Expo 86. She sang, of course, the Strauss "Four Last Songs," with which she will always be identified, but she also gave us a few cabaret numbers, adopting a wickedly witty Dietrich accent.

Among the scores of recordings she made--and for which she was awarded five Grammys--was a collection of spirituals, in duets with Kathleen Battle. No two singers could be more unlike, but it worked. And in 1997, she recorded a number of Michel Legrand songs--"The Summer Knows,""I Was Born in Love with You," "What are You doing the Rest of Your Life?" She had a knowledgeable appreciation of jazz, and while she wasn't a jazz singer herself, she was entirely at home with Legrand at piano, Ron Carter on bass and Grady Tate on drums.

Perhaps the most memorable image of Jessye Norman came on Bastille Day in 1989, the two hundredth anniversary of the French Revolution. She appeared draped in the French flag and sang "La Marseillaise."

We like to think of her entering heaven in the same triumphant way.


Footnote: One of the songs on the Jessye Norman-Michel Legrand album is "Dis-Moi" ("Tell Me"). The lyrics are by Francoise Sagan, remembered as the 18-year-old author of "Bonjour Tristesse."