Stone the Bloody Crows!

Which is what Tony Antonias, the Australian-born copy chief of CKNW, used to leap up and shout when frustrated or angry, as he was the day sales manager John Donaldson demanded he immediately come up with a catchy campaign for a department store. However, after venting his Down Under wrath, he turned to his typewriter and, thumb on the space bar, composed the jingle that became famous as "Dollar-Forty-Nine Day--Woodward's!" For which he was paid a handsome $25.

But this is really about crows, an increasing nuisance, if not menace, during nesting time. Having watched Hitchcock's "The Birds" several times, they have learned how to swoop and attack. No one wants his head to be a landing pad for a crow, and some people have taken to swinging umbrellas or canes or tote bags. The other day, we saw crows departing in a hurry when gardeners began employing raucous weed eaters. So if you want to be really safe from aerial bombardment, carry a weed eater.

We know of two persons who adopted injured crows and made them family pets. One neighbor often could be seen on his deck flapping his arms to teach his crow how to fly. Then there was the  elderly lady who was threatened by both provincial and municipal authorities for "keeping a wild animal in an urban environment." We are pleased to report that a kind-hearted lawyer took the case, and both the lady and the crow won.

Crows were certainly the stars of Hitchcock's scary movie, but we preferred the crows in Disney's "Dumbo" singing "When I See an Elephant Fly."

There has been a lot said and written about the presumed intelligence of crows, but we believe the Steller's jay is a much brainier bird. We used to spread peanuts on the deck for the jays, and, if we were tardy in so doing, the jays would knock irritatedly on the window. Steller's jays are also tougher than crows. The crows would hang back in trees watching as the jays pecked open the peanuts, not daring to come closer. When the jays had demolished all the peanuts, off they would fly, saying to the crows, "Go ahead. We left you the shells."

Crows and jays may, like homo sapiens and gorillas, share a common ancestor--possibly the pterodactyl--but if so, the jays got all the best genes. Not only are they smarter and tougher, they're much better looking.

It's said that Hitchcock really wanted Steller's jays for "The Birds," but the jays demanded a script rewrite and a share of the box office. The crows said they'd do it for peanuts.