Happy Hour at the Kremlin

"President Trump, welcome to my humble worker domain."

"Thanks, Vlad--can I call you Vlad? Y'know, this place could be fixed up swell, I mean I bring my guys in, they do a makeover--it could be the Trump Moscow Tower."

"?"

"I mean, the Trump-Putin Tower, of course."

"Mr. Trump, let me offer you some traditional Russian refreshment."

"Well, thanks, Vlad, but as you may know, I don't drink alcohol."

"Oh, is not alcohol. Just a light fruit drink."

"Really? What's it called?"

"Stolichnaya. Here, let me pour you a glass."

"Umm--that's not bad, Vlad. I was feeling a little wrecked after meeting with all those G-20 losers, but this Stolich..what's it called? Whatever it is, I'm feeling better already."

"How nice. Allow me to refill that tumbler."

"Schwell, Vlad. Now maybe we should get down to what I'm here to talk about. Whatever that was. I've got notes here somewhere."

"I believe it was your clever idea to make a deal on selling us back Alaska. Oh look, Don--your glass is empty."

"You're one heck of a hosht, Vlad.  Holy moley, love that Stoly. Hey, howzat for a slogan? Just off the top of my head!"

"Very clever. Sergei, write that down."

"Should I say it again, Mr. Laptop?"

"No need. I have it, in all its wonderfulness."

"Now, Vlad--isn't there something about cyber security we're supposed to dishcush?'

"You know, Don, all that hacking talk is nonsense. How you put it? Fake news. Our only computer interest is in video games. Let's get back to Alaska."

"Don't think I have a hotel there. Not that I remember."

"In that case, perhaps you would agree to return that worthless piece of land to us--for an acceptable price, of course."

"Why not? Always ready to make a deal."

"Suppose we agree on the price your United States paid us, minus a reasonable discount for the advanced age of the property, and decades of wear and tear. I have a contract here. Let me top up your glass while you sign. Sergei, give Mr. Trump a pen."

"There you are, Vlad--done and done."

"Excellent. And now, unfortunately, I must conclude this pleasant meeting. Sergei will help you back to your car. I, meanwhile, will return to a book I am writing."

"Really? What's it called?"

"Thank you for asking. It's 'The Art of the Steal'."