Hangover Helper

That's what the world needs now. Hangover Helper, in a box like Hamburger Helper. Stir a spoonful of the miracle powder into a tumbler of sparkling water, drink at down, and at once those vicious after effects of New Year's Eve celebrating are gone. No more the feeling of someone using a jackhammer on your skull, no more the queasy stomach that has turned your complexion green, no more the remorse and embarrassment (Did I really sing that song? Did I really do that dance?)

Sadly, there is not yet a clinically proven remedy for a hangover. But there are several suggestions. Gabrielle Hamilton recommends steak tartare and Champagne. Vancouver's Salvador Deli offered a hangover special, a combination egg salad-tuna salad sandwich. A friend believed in the curative power of a large bowl of clam chowder. We have heeded the advice of many on this matter, from Jack Webster to Kingsley Amis.

But perhaps the best guide is "Floyd on Hangovers," a compact book by the clever British chef Keith Floyd, who writes, in the introduction, that he is accustomed "to waking up in San Francisco, Bangkok or Sydney feeling sick and tired of waking up sick and tired."

And so, Floyd compiled several cures, from the quick hit (The Bullshot: beef consommé, Worcestershire sauce, dash of Tabasco, hot horseradish, one shot of vodka, juice of one lemon, one egg yolk, salt and pepper, and heaps of crushed ice. Swallow in one gulp) to a five-day detoxification program, which includes playing Elvis's "Blue Suede Shoes" at breakfast.

But all of this may be too much, as you stare bleakly at the day and try to regain comprehension. In which case, you may be comforted by these words of Jack Wasserman: "It's better to have a few mornings after than never to have a night before."