Now--Christy Day!

Christy Clark, sometime radio talk show host (following in the footsteps of Dave Barrett, Rafe Mair, and other ex-politicians lured by the large dollar) has announced that should she become Premier of British Columbia, she will introduce a new holiday, an extra day off in February, to, as we understand it, allow British Columbians to spend more time with families and friends, and to worship Premier Christy.

Kevin Falcon, Ms. Clark's principal rival for leadership of the BC Liberal party, leading (sigh) to the premiership, said, "Okay, Christy! I'll see you on that, and raise you a day!  Two days holidays!"

Vancouver Mayor Gregor Robertson, called for comment, said, "Why not give them the whole #$!*&% month?"

Got a Match, Leona?

Federal Health minister Leona Aglukkaq has announced the government will impose striking new graphics on cigarette packages...though it may take some time. (Can we break for a smoke?) 

There had been rumors that tobacco companies were attempting to influence the health ministry's decision, suggesting slightly different graphics; e.g., Paul Henried lighting two cigarettes and handing one to Bette Davis in "Now Voyager."  Marvin Puffmeister, a tobacco industry lobbyist, denied this, saying he always travels with a trunk full of hundred-dollar bills. 

In light of the government's action, the CRTC has directed radio stations to downplay recordings by Smokey Robinson, DVD shops cannot display copies of "Smokey and the Bandit", and that familiar forest firefighter, Smokey the Bear, has been replaced by Buttout the Beaver. 

Meanwhile, rogue radio stations, broadcasting from underground smoke-filled rooms, continue to play Phil Harris's iconic recording of the Merle Travis-Tex Williams song "Smoke Smoke Smoke That Cigarette":

"Nicotine slaves are all the same

  At a pettin' party or a poker game

  Everything's gotta stop while they have a cigarette."

Uh...Leona?  Madam Minister?  Got a light?

Media Stars Back Politicos

Former CTV/Global news anchor Pamela Martin has announced she is supporting Christy Clark for leadership of the BC Liberal Party, and has put her $10 on the line, to secure party membership.

Persuasive, but we're waiting to see whom Larry and Willy are backing.

Meanwhile, still time to get your party membership! Only ten dollars, for a chance at a cabinet minister's portfolio!

Celebrating Twelfth Night

We have come to the last of the twelve days of Christmas, and we hope you have little difficulty in ridding your home of nine lords a-leaping and ten maids a-milking, not to mention the various feathered friends who have turned your domicile into Guanoland.

James I (of England) and VI (of Scotland) knew what he wanted to bring the season to a grand finale:  a new comedy, by his favorite playwright, a Mr. W. Shakespeare.  Shake responded with his usual alacrity, and produced a play titled, not surprisingly, "Twelfth Night." It was performed for the first time on January 6, 1601, in the court of Whitehall Palace; and, according to Harold Bloom, the playwright himself might have played one of the parts.

This is also the Feast of Epiphany, the day in which the Magi (or Wise Men or Three Kings) arrived at the stable in Bethlehem, having followed the mysterious star from the east.  There are two wonderful books one might read at this time:  "Journey of the Magi" by Paul William Roberts and "The Four Wise Men" by Michel Tournier.

The poem almost everyone knows is T.S. Eliot's "Journey of the Magi" ("a cold coming we had of it...") but one we remember with pleasure is a lighthearted account in which the Magi leave a camel for the Holy Child and his friends to ride and play with.

A splendid day to all, and especially those wondering if they should take down their Christmas tree now, or leave it up until next December. 

Dumas sans pantalon

January 5, 1821: Lord Byron writes in his diary:  Sir Walter Scott is a "wonderful man! I long to get drunk with him."

January 5, 1895: Henry James steps on stage at London's St. James's Theatre as the curtain descends on his play "Guy Domville." James expects to hear cheers of "Author! Author!" Instead he is met with boos, catcalls, raspberries, and the odd ripe tomato.

January 5, 1825: Alexandre Dumas fights a duel. It ends when his pants fall down. Dumas mutters "Never happened to D'Artagnan."

The Clark Triplets

The return of Christy Clark to the electoral fray marks the resurgence of the most successful sibling act in British Columbia politics:  the Clark Triplets.

BC voters have long admired the Clark Triplets:  former premier Glen, former Rentalsman Barrie, and now former talk show host Christy. Across the province, we hear the mantra "When things look dark, call for a Clark."

Should Christy become BC's next premier, we may look forward to the triplets reunited, singing the triplets song from "The Band Wagon":

"We do everything alike

 We look alike, we dress alike

 We talk alike, we walk alike

 And what is more,

 We hate each other very much."

Bartender, pour us a triple.

Happy New Year, Holden Caulfield

This is January 1st, a day of some literary significance. On this date in 1660, Samuel Pepys began keeping his diary; on this date in 1909, Marcel Proust dipped a crust of toast in his tea, unlocking a lifetime of memories that led to you-know-what; and on this date in 1919, J.D. Salinger was born.

Also born this date, in 1879, was E.M. Forster, author of, among other things, "A Passage to India," "A Room with a View" and Howard's End." But that, as Jack Wasserman used to say, is not the item. We mention Forster because it allows us to quote Katherine Mansfield's assessment of his work, which seems as succinct and perfect a piece of literary criticism as one could wish. Ms. Mansfield wrote: "Forster never gets any further than warming the teapot...Feel this teapot, is it not beautifully warm? Yes, but there ain't going to be no tea."