The Lost Patrol

Something most mysterious has occurred, dear readers, if, in fact, there are any readers left. For a long and comforting time, there have appeared on the right side of the screen the visages or symbols of seven discerning persons described as "followers." And now they have vanished! Disappeared! Gone without a trace! 

It is very like one of those books or films we remember--"The Lost Patrol"--in which a band of brave Foreign Legionnaires are swallowed up in the desert mists. (If they have mists in the desert, but you get the idea.)

We wonder--could hackers for some hostile foreign power have seized our followers? Are they now being held hostage somewhere in cyberspace? We have turned over this puzzle to our Computer Specialist, although his technological qualifications end with the door knob.

Missing Persons Bureau, please act! Issue an APB! Find and return our missing followers! Or have them call home. (But not collect.) 

News of the World News

The statements of senior executives and owners of Britain's now defunct "News of the World" ("we never dreamed any of our people would be so naughty") reminds one of Captain Renault closing down Rick's Cafe Americain in "Casablanca": "I'm shocked, shocked, to find there is gambling going on here!"

And thinking of sleazy creative journalism, the most entertaining novel on the subject is Donald Westlake's "Baby, Would I Lie?" Also good on country music.

Prince William led his team to victory at the Santa Barbara Polo & Racquet Club on the weekend, scoring four goals. Among those who paid $400 apiece to watch were several Hollywood stars who previously thought chukkers was the name of a bar. 

This sudden, if brief, focus on polo reminded us of the time a "Vancouver Life" editor asked "What sport do the right people play?" We assured him it was polo. This led to a splendid article more or less related to polo called "How I Survived the Beer Strike." The author was Manville Rathborne III, who still swings a mean mallet. 

Polo was invented as a kind of war-like contest in Persia. In some parts of the world, the sport has not lost that quality. A globetrotting friend reports watching a match in Afghanistan where the usual wooden ball was replaced by an enemy's wrapped and shrunken head. 

As far as we know, this was not the case in Santa Barbara on Saturday, but "News of the World" is no longer around to tell us.

...and wearing number !01

Andre Vigneault, coach of the Vancouver Canucks, is hoping to sign Prince William for the 2011-12 season. "I watched the Prince handle the stick in Yellowknife," said Coach Vigneault, "and I believe there's a lot of talent there. We're hoping he's a free agent, and that we can put him on a line with Hank and Danny. Will would bring a lotta class to the game."

Meanwhile, the Prince is being courted in Calgary this week by the Flames, and in Winnipeg, owners of the new NHL team said, "Because of his association with aircraft, we think Prince William would be drawn to the Jets."

A Buckingham Palace spokesman, however, said, "If his Royal Highness suits up with any team, it will have to be the Los Angeles Kings."

Stay tuned for comments by Don Cherry.

Happy Birthday, Miss Potter

July 6 marks the 145th anniversary of the birth of Beatrix Potter, born in London, England, in 1866. Her first and most famous story, "The Tale of Peter Rabbit," was published in 1900. Thirteen years later, after creating a grand menagerie of characters, she married, gave up writing, and spent the rest of her life--she lived until 1943--raising Herdwick sheep.

Squirrel Nutkin, Jemima Puddle-Duck and all the rest are gathering for Ms. Potter's birthday party, and Peter Rabbit is baking a carrot cake.

Start the Fireworks!

It is the Glorious Fourth of July, said to have been the birthday of both Louis Armstrong and George M. Cohan.  Play "Struttin' with Some Barbecue" and sing "Yankee Doodle Dandy." And check to see if one of your ancestors has his signature on the US Declaration of Independence, penned this day in 1776.

Comforting News for Bibliophiles

Amidst the doom and gloom surrounding traditional book publishing, it is comforting to read this information from Tom Lutz of the Los Angeles Review of Books online magazine (lareviewofbooks.org): "Twenty times as many titles are [now] published each year than were in 1980."

And in other news...

Research has shown that happy orangutans live an average of seven years longer than unhappy orangutans. We hope never to encounter an unhappy orangutan.

BC Lions, in their opening game of the 2011 CFL season, ended up on the short end of a 30-26 score. Coach Wally Buono might have quoted Vince Lombardi: "We didn't lose, we just ran out of time."

As jazz festivals began across our hip and native land, this past week marked the 165th anniversary of the creation of the saxophone by Adolphe Sax. One could list dozens of great saxophonists, but we leave it to St. John Coltrane: "Let's face it, if we could, we'd all sound like Stan Getz."

Finally, China is celebrating the ninetieth anniversary of the founding of its Communist Party. Government officials are hoping to reawaken interest in the achievements of Chairman Mao. It is rumored that a film of Mao's Little Red Book is in the planning stages. Producers are considering either Mike Myers or Nathan Lane for the lead, although, one sighed, "John Belushi would have been perfect."