Fog bound

The heavy fog that has enshrouded us of late brought to this foggy mind many foggy thoughts,

First, there was a very clever film, circa 1955, called "Footsteps in the Fog," and for a 1966 film, "The Deadly Affair," Quincy Jones wrote a fine score, including "Don't Fly When it's Foggy." Some will remember Burl "Big Daddy" Ives singing "Foggy Dew," and that Mel Torme was dubbed the Velvet Fog, a sobriquet he detested.

But what one remembers best, and is pleased to still often hear, is the Gershwin brothers' song "A Foggy Day." It was written for a 1937 production called "A Damsel in Distress," and it was sung first by Fred Astaire. In his memoir, "Lyrics on Several Occasions," Ira Gershwin wrote that it was early that year, they were in Beverly Hills, and had finished three or four songs. "One night," he wrote, "I was in the living room, reading. About 1:00 a.m., George returned from a party, took off his dinner jacket, sat down at the piano, and said, 'How about some work?' Got any ideas?'"

Ira said, "There's one spot we might do something about a fog. How about 'A Foggy Day in London' or 'A Foggy day in London Town'?" "Sounds good," said George. "I like it better with 'Town.'"

"And," wrote Ira, "he was off immediately on the melody. We finished the refrain, words and music, in less than an hour.

"Next day the song still sounded good." Uh-huh.

Harper in for Munro

Stockholm, October 17 (AP): The Swedish Academy says Nobel literature prize winner Alice Munro won't travel to Stockholm to collect her award because of poor health. It's not clear who will represent her at the December 10 ceremony.

Stockholm, December 10: "Good evening, your Majesty and Academy members. My name is Stephen Harper, here on behalf of Ms. Munro and all Canadians, proud that Alice, if I may speak familiarly, received this award under a Conservative administration. I know that you were expecting Justin Bieber to be here, but at the last moment, we had his passport cancelled.

"Let me say first of all that I love your meatballs. And, I have often watched Henrik and Daniel Sedin in action. Which brings me to this book of mine, a work I offer for your consideration next time the jury is in. (Ha ha.) It's a book about hockey, which has taken a great deal of work. I have had to prorogue Parliament a number of times to allow me time to complete it.

"Now, I know there is no precedent for a book on sport to receive the Nobel Prize, but look what the award to Ms. Munro has done for the short story. I submit that if the Academy were to recognize the literary merit of this work of mine, there would be a golden renaissance for sports writing.

"I have here a few dozen copies of my book which I would like to pass around, and I'll be available for signing, wearing my old Maple Leafs jersey, once we get through the rest of this stuff.

"Thank you. See you at the smorgasbord."

To Make a Long Story Short...

One of the ripple effects of the awarding of the Nobel Prize for Literature to Alice Munro is the discovery of the short story.

Suddenly people are writing about the art of the short story as though until now, no one had been aware of it. But there always have been great short story writers. Among other Nobel laureates, there are Hemingway, Faulkner and Kipling. Hemingway's best work may be in his short stories ("The Snows of Kilimanjaro," "The Short Happy Life of Francis Macomber," and scores more). Faulkner wrote many short stories, including "The Bear" and "Barn Burning." And John Huston thought Kipling's "The Man Who Would be King" the best story ever written.

The New Yorker was for decades home to three of the best short story writers, all named John: O'Hara, Cheever and Updike. And then there was Thurber, whose classic "The Secret Life of Walter Mitty" is about to be filmed again, this time with Sean Penn, which is very promising indeed.

Add to the list Ellen Gilchrist, whose short story collections include "Drunk with Love" and "In the Land of Dreamy Dreams," Irwin Shaw ("The Girls in their Summer Dresses," "The 80-Yard Run," "Tip On a Dead Jockey") Deborah Eisenberg, and W.R. Burnett, whose "Dressing Up" should be a movie, and almost was, by film maker Phil Surguy.

And how about Ring Lardner, Dorothy Parker and Salinger?

Now that the short story has been discovered (ironically, at a time when the market for short stories has almost disappeared) there may be hope for the novella and the essay.

Keeping our 2/HB pencils crossed.

Bickering and the Nobel

A friend announced that she is observing this as Alice Munro Day. And that seems to be the euphoric and triumphant mood of many.

Meanwhile, thinking of the Nobel Prize for Literature, we looked at an article in The Daily Beast, a U.S. on-line magazine. It listed seventeen writers who coulda been, and perhaps were, contendas.
Most of the expected names, well known in the English-speaking world, were there--Tolstoy, Joyce, Woolf, Borges, Updike, Nabokov--but there were some surprising inclusions (Willa Cather, Edith Wharton--not that they weren't worthy), some surprising omissions (Proust, Graham Greene), and some names perhaps unfamiliar to many readers--Kobo Abe, Chinua Achebe, Lu Xun.

Among current writers whose names seem never to come up on the Nobel short list is Philip Roth. Scott Raab, in an interview with Roth in Esquire, said, "After they've made awards to every possible political constituency across the globe, your day may come."

Roth replied, "After the Trobriand Islanders."

According to Michael Specter, writing in The New Yorker, "Bickering is common [among the six people on the selection committee] and the battles that kept the Nobel from Jorge Luis Borges, Graham Greene and Anthony Burgess were intense."

But no battles here, for this is Alice Munro Day.

Alice in Wonderland

Alice in Wonderland, indeed. That is how Alice Munro must feel after being named the 2013 winner of the Nobel Prize for Literature. Growing up in the 1930s as Alice Laidlaw in rural southwestern Ontario, a trip to Stockholm was probably not in her expectations.

Celebrations throughout Canada's literary community--although a non-celebrant may be David Gilmour, the writer and University of Toronto professor who said "I'm not interested in teaching books by women. What I teach is guys. Serious heterosexual guys. If you want women writers, go down the hall." This reckless statement may not only mean problems in the classroom for Gilmour; it may mean he never gets another date.

Meanwhile, Champagne corks will pop at the top of the Park Plaza and in other writers' hangouts for Ms. Munro. And for Canada at large, it is clearly the greatest international triumph since Paul Henderson scored the winning goal in the 1972 Summit Series.

New Corporate Slogan Unveiled

We all know how important slogans are in the corporate world. Think of McDonald's "I'm Lovin' It," Home Hardware's "Homeowners Helping Homeowners," Wendy's "Now That's Better." And now, this on-line service unveils its new corporate slogan--a few words, pithy, profound and poetic, that express the essence of Pointless Digressions.

We must confess that the words did not originate with our team. In fact, they were found on an abandoned appliance, left on a suburban curb. Even so, we knew instantly that the words encapsulate a deep truth. Here they are, proudly revealed for the first time:

                         Cracked, but Still Working Perfectly

The Great Turkey Escape

'Twas a week 'til Thanksgiving,
  and down on the farm
The turkeys knew someone
  was planning them harm.

Their courageous leader,
  Gobbler McQueen,
Said "We're getting out--
  we're blowing his scene.

"Tonight at twelve,
  we're making a break.
When Thanksgiving comes,
  let them eat steak."

Clouds covered the moon
  that October night
When two hundred turkeys
  prepared for their flight.

But problems arose,
  when one said with a sigh,
"It ain't gonna work--
  we forgot how to fly."

Gobbler McQueen said
  "I've got a new plan--
a way to escape
  that sizzling pan.

"We'll steal the farmer's
  old pickup truck
and head for the hills,
  with a bit of good luck."

"But Gobbler," said one,
  "do you know how to drive?
"Who cares?" said Gobbler.
  "We'll still be alive."

And Gobbler cried out,
  as the truck sped away,
"Enjoy your Kraft Dinner
  on Thanksgiving Day."