Christmas Hits by Accident

Frank Loesser didn't intend "Baby, It's Cold Outside" to be a pop hit. He wrote it as a party song for himself and his wife. Now it's a winter standard, in versions from the seriously lame to witty and sexy, which, of course, is what it's meant to be. Check out the Ray Charles-Betty Carter recording.

"The Christmas Song," by Mel Torme (music) and Bob Wells (lyrics)  came about because of a very hot day. Torme came by Wells's house to pick him up for a game of tennis. While Wells was changing into his whites, Torme noticed a few lines scribbled on a notepad: "Chestnuts roasting on an open fire...Jack Frost nipping at your nose." When Wells came down, Torme said, "Bob, I think maybe we've got a song here." They didn't get to play tennis that afternoon.

And then there's White Christmas." Famous chorus, but what is seldom heard is the verse:

"The sun is shining, the grass is green,
The orange and palm trees sway.
There's never been such a day
In Beverly Hills, L.A.
But it's December twenty-fourth,
And I am longing to be up north."

Maybe the best part of the song.

Grab Bag of Thoughts

Stuff from the Mental Remnants Table:

Readers of "Sports Illustrated" will have noted the choice of Serena Williams as Sports Person of the Year. Tennis fans are happy, but the horse racing crowd is not, as they were pulling for (maybe betting on) Pharoah, the Triple Crown winner. In the SI cover photo, Ms. Williams appears to be channeling Marlene Dietrich, but what her pose really recalls is the picture of Diahann Carroll on the album "Running Wild." It's clear, whatever her inspiration, that Ms. Williams no longer has--as one writer once commented--the figure of an SUV.

In other sports news, new faces behind the bench for at least three CFL teams in 2016. Well, the faces aren't new, but the moves are: Chris Jones to Saskatchewan Roughriders, Jason Maas to the Edmonton Eskimos, and Wally Buono, back in the saddle again, to quote Gene Autry, for the BC Lions. And they're still waiting for the other cleat to drop in Montreal and Winnipeg.

A charming card arrived today wishing not only a merry Christmas, but also "an amazing 2016, filled with love, connection and laughter." Best wish so far.

Finally--resolutions to reduce the amount one drinks last only as long as the return from a pre-Christmas shopping mall.

The Christmas Playlist

In response to a total absence of requests, we bring you again the Pointless Digressions recommended Christmas Playlist.

1. Art Pepper and Richie Cole: "Sleighride," the Leroy Anderson winter standard--a wild, runaway ride led by the two saxophonists, with Roger Kellaway trying to keep the sled upright. Takes us thru some scary curves and over some crazy bumps.

2. Louis Armstrong: "'Zat You, Santy Claus?" Who better than Satchmo Claus to keep us merry and bright?

3. George Shearing and Don Thompson: "Away In a Manger." From one of the live performance albums recorded with Mel Torme. Torme is silent on the children's carol, while Shearing on piano and Thompson on bass give the simple melody Brahmsian depth.

4. The Modern Jazz Quartet: "England's Carol." Really "God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen," but "England's Carol" is what John Lewis and Milt Jackson call it.

5. Dexter Gordon: "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas." The most poignant of Christmas ballads, composed by Hugh Martin and Ralph Blane. First sung--incomparably--by Judy Garland, in Vincente Minnelli's "Meet Me in St. Louis." Long Tall Dexter gives it a more upbeat treatment.

6. "An Appalachian Christmas." A compilation album, including James Taylor's "Ol' Blue" and what, by Jane Monheit, might be the most attractive performance of "The Christmas Song."

7. "Winterset." One of the excellent collections assembled by Starbucks, when the coffee people were doing that. Includes the lovely Austrian carol "Still, Still, Still," and music by, among others, Christopher Parkening, John Rutter, and the Empire Brass.

8. Les Violons du Roy: "Symphonies des Noels." Baroque concerti for Christmas, by Corelli, Torelli, Charpentier, et al. Serene accompaniment for late evening when all the shopping is done and the cards all mailed and you sit back with brandy and happy thoughts.

And for our Orthodox friends, celebrating on January 7 (perhaps celebrating again):

9. The St. Petersburg Chamber Choir: "Russian Christmas."

Not all easy to find, but worth looking for. And listening to.

Preparing for Christmas

At one time, CHQM Vancouver, then a very civilized radio station, would not permit the playing of Christmas music before December 15. Even this would have been too early for such Advent purists as Fr. Bill Youngman, who would not allow carols in his church until midnight December 24. Still, it demonstrated greater restraint than shopping malls that begin playing "Hark! The Herald Angels Sing" by Alvin and the Chipmunks the day after Hallowe'en.

A few suggestions for a tranquil pre-Christmas month: 1. Do not buy any hastily (and crassly) recorded seasonal CDs; e.g., "Celebrate with the Cast of Two and a Half Men," "A Mike Tyson Mistletoe," "Christmas with Steve, Laureen and the Cats." (We would, however, rush to get a Lyle Lovett Christmas album, were he to record one. )

2. Skip all television Yuletide specials, including, we're sorry to say, the new Bill Murray show. Instead, watch again the classic Alastair Sim film of "A Christmas Carol" (un-colorized), "Love, Actually," "Meet Me in St. Louis," and Bill Murray's wonderful update on Dickens, "Scrooged," which is roughly 1,000 times better than the TV special, even if George Clooney does turn up in a tux to mix the martinis.

Mix your own martini. Tuxedo optional.

P.S.: And be sure to skip all those year-end reviews of the news. Who wants to go thru all that again?

Give a Little Whistle

"You know how to whistle, don't you, Steve? Just put your lips together and blow." -- Lauren Bacall in "To Have and Have Not" on the Dummy's Guide to Whistling.

We began thinking about whistling after finding people giving us bemused stares for whistling in elevators and on public transit. Apparently, this is not done. One can carry on loud conversations on portable phones, including declarations of love and details of medical conditions, but whistling is not de rigueur.

Still, the word "whistle" turns up in many ways--trains go through whistle stops, whistle blowers reveal bad behaviour, we go whistling in the dark, and we whistle up a snack.

Remember "The Whistler" on radio, when people listened to radio in the evening? The movie "Whistle Down the Wind"? The popular Vancouver policeman Whistling Bernie Smith? There have even been albums of jazz whistling (try whistling Charlie Parker's "Koko.")

And how about Jiminy Cricket's instructions to Pinocchio when he needed the aid of his conscience?

"When you get in trouble, and you don't know right from wrong,

Give a little whistle! (tweet tweet) Give a little whistle! (tweet tweet)"

Stephen Sondheim assured us "Anyone Can Whistle." So off we go, whistling tunes no one else remembers--"Red Sails in the Sunset,""An Apple for the Teacher," "I Get the Neck of the Chicken." We just put our lips together and blow.

So long, Number 9 -- Welcome back, Wally

A big week for football news, even after the Grey Cup game. Those of us who have watched Jon Cornish ("Jonny," as he was then known) since his years at St. Thomas More view his retirement with mixed emotions. Sad not to see more of his play (characterized, correctly, as "brilliant" by Cam Cole) but glad he's getting out with (remembering J.D. Salinger's "For Esme, With Love and Squalor") "his faculties intact."

And here in Lions country, we are delighted to have back leading the pack Wally Buono, surely the wisest old cat in the jungle.

And that's it for now, sports fans.  Slap Maxwell, in the press box with his old typewriter and a fortified Thermos.

Money Matters

The Boston Red Sox have given ex-Toronto Blue Jays pitcher David Price a seven-year contract for $217 million. This works out to $85,000 a day, including the four days out of five he doesn't play.

As Dorothy Parker said, "Rich or poor, it's nice to have money."

Meanwhile, Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg is giving $45 billion to charitable works.

Brother, can you spare a dime?