The Queen's Big Nine-O

There used to be a custom, in schoolyards across the land, that when it was someone's birthday they got what were known as the "Royal Bumps."

Do you suppose royalty practice the Royal Bumps?

I see Philip and Harry warming up now...

The Heat Parade

"Love, to me, is like a summer day..."

That's the opening line of "Summer Song," lyrics by Iola Brubeck, melody by Dave Brubeck, memorably sung by Louis Armstrong.

The second chorus begins "I'll take summer, that's my time of year."

If it's your time of year, there are many songs for you on the Heat Parade, starting with the lullaby "Summertime" and "In the Good Old Summertime," and including "Estate," "Heat Wave" and "Those Hazy, Lazy, Crazy Days of Summer."

But not all songs are in praise of summer. There is, for example, "Ain't It Awful, the Heat?" from the Kurt Weill-Langston Hughes-Elmer Rice musical "Street Scene." And Cole Porter wrote:

"I'd like to sup with my baby tonight,
And share the cup with my baby tonight.
But I'm not up to my baby tonight,
'Cause it's too darn hot!"

And if you're one of those trying to crawl inside the freezer compartment of your refrigerator, there is this 1930s classic:

"Tain't No Sin to Take Off Your Skin.
and Dance Around in Your Bones."

Oh, Say Can You See...

The current non-issue providing some activity for our Members of Parliament is a member's bill suggesting--yet again--minor changes in Canada's national anthem. The member proposes changing the line "in all our sons command" to "in all of us command," thus including moose and beavers.

The official opposition, the Conservative Party, insists there should be a national referendum on what they consider "these sacred words," which makes one wonder if they understand what "sacred" means. The Conservatives always push for national referendums, no matter how costly, awkward, delaying, and ultimately ineffective they are.

But this is nothing compared to the dilemma in the Frustrated States, where they are dealing with changes to their anthem proposed by the presumptive Republican nominee for president. It begins: "Oh, say can you see, by the Trump Tower light..."

A Leap to be Veep

Senator Marco Rubio of Florida ("Little Marco," as Donald Trump dubbed him) has declared he would "do anything to help" Trump be elected President of the United States.

Translation: "Please, Mr. Trump, let me be your running mate! And those bad things I said about you in the primaries? I was only joking, sir. Really. Ha ha. Can I get you a latte?"

Stars Come Out for Trump

A recent note in The New Yorker reported on a small gathering of film industry folk who identify as Republicans. That is, however, the only way they wish to be identified, as being Republican in Hollywood is a sure way not to get cast in a movie by Stephen Spielberg or Ron Howard or George Clooney.

There is, however, a handful of major players who will continue to get work, even though they bear the Republican brand. Leading this renegade lot are Clint Eastwood, Jon Voight and Kelsey Grammer.

What this means is that Donald Trump can count on the support of Dirty Harry, Midnight Cowboy and Sideshow Bob.

Miles Ahead at Ninety

Either May 25 or May 26 was the birth day of Miles Davis. There is disagreement. But either way, he would be ninety years old this year, give or take a day.

"Hard to imagine Miles at ninety," said Freddie Freeloader, as we were sipping some Bitches Brew and waiting for les Filles de Kilimanjaro to turn up. "Some," Freddie continued, "might say So What, but I treasure the days when Miles was Cookin'."

Meditating In a Silent Way on Miles making those Seven Steps to Heaven and going Solar, I have to admit I felt Kind of Blue.

But still, with all that music, with Trane and Cannonball and the rhythm section and Gil Evans, we're all Miles Ahead.

Napoleon and the Tortoise

Because it was also Victoria Day, it may have escaped notice that May 23 was World Turtle Day. Friends of turtles and tortoises were urged to wear turtleneck sweaters or turtle green. Turtle soup was not on the menu.

While re-reading "The Tortoise and the Hare" and "Yertle the Turtle," we were surprised that there was no mention of Jonathan, the Seychelles giant tortoise who lives on the island of St. Helena. Jonathan is about 185 years old, and shared residency on St. Helena with the exiled Napoleon.

Several attempts over the years have been made to interview Jonathan to get his slant on the deposed Emperor. But, to no avail. No one, it seems, has mastered turtle talk. Either that, or Jonathan is holding out for a larger fee.

Or he wants to meet Megyn Kelly.