Dumb Don or Lucky Lemon?

Or maybe "Tale of the Two Dons."  No, that's dumb. Which brings us to President Donald Trump's assertion that Don Lemon of CNN is "the dumbest person on television."

Undoubtedly Lemon--clearly the brainier of the two Dons--is relishing this. It is the sort of recognition people prized when they found they were on Richard Nixon's "enemies list." Paul Newman made that, and considered it an honor right up there with an Academy Award.

What will this mean next for Don Lemon? Much higher ratings.

Distressed Knees Distress

Seeing an endless stream of teenagers wearing jeans with ragged holes at the knee, we assumed it was further evidence of grave poverty among our young people. Then we found that not only are torn jeans (or jeans with "distressed knees,"as they are known) de rigeur, but that they frequently cost a great deal of money. Top of the line appears to be the Balmain Ripped Skinny Jeans, at $2,357.66.

How far will this fashion lead? Will hip government leaders, like Justin Trudeau and Emmanuel Macron, wanting to remain au courant, attend international conferences wearing suits with distressed knees? Will we see Hollywood stars walking the Red Carpet in ripped skinny tuxedos?

We do not own a pair of jeans. But we do have our own distressed knees--a takeaway from our days as a go-go dancer at Oil Can Harry's.

The Morning After

Guten morgen, Mr. Horgan.

It's okay to bark, Still Premier Clark.

Leave it to Beaver, Dr. Weaver.

Trevor Linden votes. Do you?

Of all the election commercials televised over the past several weeks, the best have come from Elections BC, ending with Trevor Linden looking earnestly into the camera, and saying: "I vote. (pregnant pause) Do you?"

I know we're all going to miss the rash of campaign advertising, the telephone calls from candidates, and the knocking on the door of people we don't know nor wish to know, soliciting our vote.

But the campaign has not been without its amusements. We have been especially pleased to see the candidacy of Joe Keithley, the Pavarotti of DOA, even though Joe rejected our campaign slogan: "Punk for the People!"

Vaughn Palmer, onetime rock critic turned political commentator for the Vancouver Sun and Shaw TV's "Voice of BC," had a fine column for election day citing the value of every vote. He listed numerous instances in which elections had been decided by fewer than fifty votes, and even one that was taken by single vote. The outcome would have gone the other way if the losing candidate and his wife had themselves bothered to vote.

One more thing to remember: having enough snacks and strengthening beverages on hand to last through five hours or so of election coverage. Longer than the Super Bowl and not nearly as entertaining.

Trev and I vote. (beat) Do you?

Georgia Straight at 50

The Vancouver newspaper "Georgia Straight", moving forward like an aging hipster, veteran of the hippie trek across Canada to Fourth Avenue, the Gastown riots, Mayor Tom Campbell, the rock 'n' roll rivalry of the CKLG Boss Jocks and the C-FUN Good Guys, the Retinal Circus and "Grass and Wild Strawberries," is celebrating its fiftieth anniversary.

A must-have issue, and not least because it bears a cover by Bob Masse, the Aubrey Beardsley of our time, the great illustrator of psychedelia. A curious omission is no mention of Masse in the text; nor is there a word about Jurgen Gothe, whose column "Uncorked" was for years one of the paper's principal pleasures. And where are the Alex Waterhouse-Hayward photographs?

But there are many good things, including snippets from interviews collected over the decades, and a review of Vancouver music, as shown by vintage LP covers, many of the discs now high-priced collectors' items. Hands off my "Pacific Salt."

"Georgia Straight" at 50--available at a sidewalk box near you.

Very Warm for May

"Very warm for May," he thought, strolling back from lunch at Chez Meme, and casting off garments until he was down to his Argyle socks and was pulled up by a police car.

Then he remembered that "Very Warm for May" was the title of a musical by Jerome Kern and Oscar Hammerstein that was, for the team that produced "Showboat," an unexpected flop. It opened on Broadway in late 1939, and ran for only fifty-nine performances.

This despite having a score that included "All the things You Are," and if that isn't a perfect song, what is?

Any number of great jazz performances, beginning with Dizzy Gillespie's brilliant introduction, later expanded by Kenny Dorham into a variation he called "Prince Albert." Charlie Parker, who loved the song, called his reworking "Bird of Paradise." Also worth seeking: Helen Merrill's version, with Tom Harrell and Torrie Zito, and Sarah Vaughan's with the Basie band.

Enjoy the May warmth. May it last until November.

Make mine Bombay Sapphire

It has been reported that some 1.14 litre bottles of Bombay Sapphire gin were found to contain not the 40% alcohol listed on the label, but 77%.

The company says all high octane bottles have been removed from liquor store shelves.

Disappointed shopper Albert MacGrog lamented, "Now they tell us."