Archbishop Gives Downbeat for Same-Sax Blessings

In a startling, provocative and unprecedented move, the Diocese of Saint Bechet has voted in favor of same-sax blessings.  Archbishop Coleman "Bird" Mulligan declared he will give episcopal approval to a rite celebrating the union of reed instruments--specifically baritone, tenor, alto, soprano, sopranino and C-melody saxophones. 

"We recognize," he said, "that there still are many who suffer from saxophobia, but we pray that they will remain united with us and discover the beauty in diversity, as demonstrated, for example, in the classic Woody Herman recording 'Four Brothers.'

"One must think," he continued, "of our gift of life as a head arrangement, stating the theme in unison, but opening up to allow individual solos and improvisations, then returning to a glorious conclusion, or, as some of my flock might put it, a big finish."

Some traditionalists and dissidents, unhappy since the string bass replaced the tuba, and the electric guitar ("the devil's instrument") took over from the acoustic, threatened to break away and start a paper-and-comb band of their own.  Roving pundit Conrad B. Guelke reported "Deep-seated dissonances rumbled and many of the disaffected trumpeted that they would cease to string along."

However, Archbishop Mulligan, grooving in a major key, hoped that "the time may come when all woodwinds will band together--clarinets, oboes, bassoons, flutes, piccolos, English horns, and saxophones of every persuasion--and join the noisy gongs and clanging cymbals.

"As wise Rabbi Goodman, whose centenary we celebrate this year, once said, 'Let all the cats join in.'  Until then, peace--and stay cool."