Leave our logos alone, says COC

The Canadian Olympic Committee, in its continuing battle to restrict the use of symbols which might suggest an association with the Olympic Games (tm) has initiated legal action against a number of groups and individuals.  These include:

* Anyone who claims to be "carrying a torch."  COC spokesperson Farley Litigator says "We sympathize with heartbreak, but to use the phrase 'carrying a torch' suggests that the person is hoisting the Olympic flame.  We would prefer persons lamenting a failed romance to say something like 'I'm really upset'." 

* Richard Wagner for the "Ring" cycle and J.R.R. Tolkien for "The Lord of the Rings."  Attempts to locate these miscreants so that legal action and restitution can take place so far have failed.

* Mr. F. Sinatra and friends, aka "the Rat Pack," for popularizing the term "ring-a-ding-ding." The COC spokesperson said "This is not only an impingement on our intellectual property, but is no longer cool."

* The city of Olympia, Washington.  "I mean, really," said the COC's Litigator.  "Where do these people get off taking our name?  We demand that it be changed at once, and that every resident pay us $1,000."  

The COC has also asked that the Olympic Mountains be leveled.