News Rap-up

Toronto schools will now allow students to use cell phones in class. However, getting a full body massage in class is still frowned upon.

New Conservative recruiting slogan: "Lose an election--win in the Senate!" 

Best new names on the hockey scene: Steele Boomer and Jagger Dork of the Kootenay Ice.

Still with hockey: Ben Eager of the San Jose Sharks, heard humming "Mack the Knife" in the penalty box ("When the shark bites with its teeth, dear, scarlet billows start to spead...") is now known as Ben Overeager.

Reminder for all those planning to be swept up in the Rapture: be sure to return your library books before you go.