Pointless Christmas Gifts

Got your gift list checked off? Got what you need to thrill all those special folks in your life? Or do you suffer from mallphobia and can't face the crowds and bad background music? in that case, fret no more! Our Pointless Presents Panel has put together a sure-to-please gift list for those who have everything. (Or nothing--works both ways.)

* Angie and Joe Fighting Dolls! Miniature replicas of Joe Kapp and Angelo Mosca. Wind them up, and they slug it out. Batteries not included.

* "Even Stephen"--the PM's great follow-up CD to his Grammy-nominated "Grievin' Stephen." Special guests: Celine Dion and Rob Ford.

* The D.B. Cooper Getaway! Here's the adventure of the year! A parachute drop into the forests of northern Oregon, with a sack full of make-believe money! Better than bungee jumping!  

And still available: Pointless Digressions baseball caps, tee-shirts and coffee mugs, all made in North Korea! 

You can order without leaving your home! Unless, of course, you want to leave your home, a condition known to many at this time of year. For you, we offer inclusion in the Witness Protection Program! Think of it--new identity, new address, attractive false hair! Your creditors can't find you! Your relatives can't find you! for details, call 1-888-GETMEOUT. 

Call now! Operators are waiting!