The Great Thanksgiving Escape

Several hundred turkeys held captive in a Fraser Valley farm made a daring escape only hours before facing their fate as Thanksgiving dinner. The great escape was engineered by Hercules ("Herky") Turkey, who spoke to reporters while relaxing poolside in Palm Springs.

"Did you call that a farm?" said Herky. "We called it a gulag. I said to my buddy Lurky, 'We're gettin' outa here. We're bustin' free. I have a plan'."

Guards at the farm were mystified to find the pens empty on their early morning rounds. "I was sure them pens was full," said one, "on accounta we good hear all that panicked gobbling."

"I recorded the gobbling," said Herky, "and set up a player with a tape loop. Then we built skate boards outa slats from the fence, and took off. Not as classy as Steve McQueen's motorcycle, maybe, but they did the job."

Lurky, just in from a round of golf, joined the conversation. "We were lucky," he said, "that our pal Murky had a DVD of 'The Great Escape.' That showed us how to do it. I personally modeled my performance after James Garner's."

The happy fugitives were about to set out for the evening with some female companions. "And let me tell you," winked Herky, "these are some wild turkeys."

Anything else you would like to say?

"Yes," said Herky, "I just want to wish a very happy Thanksgiving to all the folks feasting on roast tofu." Then, with a roar of gobbles, they were off.