The Transgender Presidency

Brrring! Brring!

"Is that Ann Coulter again? She's so hard on me."

"No, Mr. President. It's your son, Eric."

"Oh, good. Eric, how are you?"

"Great, Dad. I want you to know I've enlisted in the Marines."

"That's wonderful, Eric. As you know, I have a military background. I went to a military school, even though I didn't actually get to serve in the forces."

"I know, Dad. That's why you're called Sergeant Bone Spurs."

"So, Eric, when do you go to boot camp?"

"Well, there's this problem, Dad."

"Problem? What problem, Eric? What can't I fix with an executive order?"

"Well, today the Supreme Court held up your ruling on transgender persons in the military.."

"I know, my people came through for me."

"And Dad, I'm no longer Eric."

"Huh?"

"I'm Erica. I've transed."

"Son, uh, son--daughter, whatever you are--I don't know what to say. What do your siblings think about this?"

"You mean Donalda and Ivan? Gotta go, Dad. There's a transgender protest march tonight. Maybe see you in front of the White House."

Click.

"Whoosh. Mick, I'm staggered. I would say I'm totally nonplussed, if I knew what that meant."

"Sir, there's another call for you. I believe it's the First Lady."

"Thank heavens, or whoever's in charge. Hello, Sweetie. I'm glad you called, Melania."

"Don. I have news for you. It's no longer Melania--it's Melvin."