Pirates were outraged today when a photograph surfaced showing a political candidate in a pirate costume he wore at a school Hallowe'en party in 1972. The photo was revealed by the Dig Up Dirt Society (DUDS).
"This is a cruel mockery of the brave men and women who ravaged and plundered the seas, and a clear case of identity theft," declared Waldo Phipps, who prefers to be known as Jolly Roger. Phipps is president of the Pirates Of Old Platoon (POOP).
"This person," Phipps said, "had the effrontery to wear an eyepatch and a skull and crossbones shirt. He even had a stuffed parrot on his shoulder. I know some of his defenders are saying he was only eight years old at the time, but we stand ready to protect our heritage, in the name of Long John Silver."
The dimpled leader of an opposition party said, "I was shocked and dismayed by this insensitivity. I, too, went trick or treating, but I always went as Little Bo-Peep."
Meanwhile, another political nominee was assailed when a video appeared showing her wearing a black peaked hat and carrying a broom. "We are deeply offended," said a spokeswoman for Witches of the World (WOW). We intend to cast a curse on her."
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