Good News for Bookies

Bookies as in devotees of books and bookstores, not bookies as in "Seven to five on Who's Your Mama? in the eighth at Pimlico."

The good news--the very good news--is that a new, independent bookstore, with Duthie roots, is about to open in Vancouver.  Ria Bleumer, who spent sixteen years with Duthie Books, will open Sitka Books & Art in August.  

The location:  West Fourth, two blocks from the last of the great Duthie family of stores, which closed, to great lamentation, in February.  Interesting and encouraging sidebar:  Sitka will take over a space currently occupied by the Book Warehouse, which, in a gesture of collegiality (and because it has five other stores circling the area) has chosen to move out so that Sitka can move in.

Pointless Digressions joins bookies throughout the city in wishing Ria Bleumer and business partner Karel Carnohan great success.

And why the name Sitka?  Glad you asked.  Wish we knew.

Campari Alert

Campari weather has arrived.  Take appropriate action.

Il Commendatore.

HST Clarification

A spokesperson for BC Premier Gordon Campbell said today that the government wishes to correct a misunderstanding.  "HST does not stand for Harmonized Sales Tax," said Orville Wiffenpoof.  "It stands for Harry S. Truman.  HST is British Columbia's salute to the memory of the 32nd President of the United States."

Farley Dobigger, speaking for Finance Minister Colin Hansen, added "We have chosen to adopt as our slogan President Truman's most famous dictum:  the buck stops here."

Gimme the Guineas

The Queen's Plate was established 151 years ago, when Queen Victoria put up a purse of fifty guineas.  If you have a guinea tucked away somewhere, it is probably gold, and could bring you a few hundred or a several thousand dollars.

The winner of Sunday's running collected slightly more than fifty guineas--$1 million.  And those who had the foresight to wager on Big Red Mike, although not the favorite, at 6 to 1, picked up a pretty packet.

One distinguished lady in a flowered dress and wide-brimmed hat was seen stuffing into her handbag gazillions of dollars.  It is said that she won so much she was able to buy not only Research in Motion, but also the Phoenix Coyotes, and move them to London.  When Gary Bettman protested, she cried "Off with his head!"

Unfortunately, her loyal companion had wagered the Crown jewels on Who We Gonna Call, which ran out of the money.  Thus he was compelled to ride in the luggage compartment of the Royal jet on the flight to New York.

"Not to worry, Luv," he said.  "Wait until we get to La Grande Pomme.  I've booked us on Dancing with the Stars."

The Glorious Fourth

Here we are at the Glorious Fourth of July, and the Pointless Digressions crew raises a glass to our southern cousins, particularly to the ever-bright memory of Louis Armstrong, born this date.  (Well, that's what Louis said, and even if some writers dispute that, we'll go with Satch.)

Another American to burst on the scene with the rockets' red glow was George M. Cohan, who penned these lines:

"I'm a Yankee Doodle Dandy,

 Yankee Doodle, do or die.

 A real live nephew of my Uncle Sam,

 Born on the Fourth of July.

 I've a Yankee Doodle sweetheart,

 She's my Yankee Doodle joy.

 Yankee Doodle came to town

 Riding on a pony--

 I am that Yankee Doodle boy!"

A fine day to all, especially those with roots in Bad Axe, Michigan.

Dream On, Sir Steve

Conversation overheard at 24 Sussex Drive:

Prime Minister Harper:  Ah, excuse me, Your Majesty.  I know you're intently studying that form, doubtless something to do with the highest level of foreign policy, but something has occurred to me.

Elizabeth II:  Who do you like in the Queen's Plate, Mr. Harper?

SH:  Uh..I'm afraid that's outside my area of expertise.  But what I wanted to say--

EII:  How about Big Red Mike?  Think there's a chance?

SH:  Um.  The thing is this, Your Majesty--

EII:  Or perhaps Deep Cloud Dancer.

SH:  (speaking very rapidly)  I wonder if Your Majesty has noticed how many Prime Ministers of Canada were knighted.  I mean, look at the list:  Sir John A. Macdonald, Sir Wilfred Laurier, Sir Robert Borden, Sir John S. Thompson, Sir Alexander Mackenzie, Sir Mackenzie Bowell, Sir Charles Tupper, Sir John J.C. Abbott. Many of my predecessors, knighted by--ha ha--your predecessors.

EII:  Who We Gonna Call.

SH:  Well, Your Majesty, I assumed you would know that.

EII:  It's the foal's name:  Who We Gonna Call.  Running in the Queen's Plate, July Fourth.

SH:  Oh.  Well--ha ha--what are the odds on a knighthood?

EII:  Moment of Majesty!  Now there's a name I like! 

Steve sits at piano, plays "I've Got the Horse Right Here."

BBQ with the PMs

It is traditional to barbecue on Canada Day, and this year, Pointless Digressions thought it might be a nice idea to invite former Prime Ministers to the BBQ.  Not the former PMs still with us, but those who have ascended to the great Parliament in the Sky.  So, we rang up Mackenzie King's favorite medium and were put in touch with our guests.

Abbott, Thompson, Bowell and Tupper were the first to arrive, followed by Laurier and then, weaving slightly, Sir John A. Macdonald.  "Look," whispered Sir Charles Tupper, "it's Big Mac."

"Where's the bar?" demanded the Father of Confederation.

"As it's Canada Day," we said, "we're serving only Canadian rye."

"Good thing I had the foresight to bring my own flask of Laphroaig," said Sir John.

Lester Pearson and John Diefenbaker collided at the entrance and exchanged withering looks.

"Hah!" said Dief, "I see they renamed that hockey award of yours for Ted Lindsay."

"May I remind you," said Mike Pearson, "that I still have the Nobel."

"I understand," said Dief, "they're renaming it for Henrik Sedin."

"Have a drink, Diefenbaker," said Sir John.

"No thank you, sir," said Diefenbaker.  "Lips that touch liquor will never touch mine."

"Thank God for that," muttered Pearson.

The door swung wide and in came Sir Robert Borden, possessor of the best moustache in Canadian political history.  "There he is," said R.B. Bennett, who had  arrived earlier in a Bennett Buggy, "the one whose face is on the $100 bill!"

"I'd like to have my face on a $100 bill," said Sir John.

"I believe you've had your hands on more than that," said Sir Wilfred Laurier.

"They tell me, Wilf," said Sir John, "that they're thinking of replacing your five-dollar bill with a coin."

"What's shaking, Old Shades?" cried a dapper Pierre Trudeau, making his customary dramatic entrance.

"Did you know, Pierre," said Mackenzie King, patting his faithful dog Pat, "that in their book ranking prime ministers Jack Granatstein and Norman Hillmer rated me as "great" and you only as "high average"? What do you say to that, Pierre?"

"Fuddle-duddle."

"Oh, enough of this," said Diefenbaker.  "Let's have some fun!  Let's have a singalong!  I'll begin with 'Dief Will Be the Chief Again'."

"And I'll follow," said Macdonald, builder of the CPR, sliding in at the piano, "with 'Take the John A. Train'."