Where is Gibbon When He's Needed?

U.S. Speaker of the House Paul Ryan, second in line for the presidency should the chief executive choke on a bagel, has said he will ask the keepers of the secrets not to pass them to Hillary Clinton when she is formally made the nominee of the Democratic Party. (Once a person is nominated, he/she gets all the inside information, including the buzz code for nuclear attacks. The nominee also gets Secret Service protection, but it's unlikely Trump or Clinton would be in danger--neither candidate is a black teenager driving a car with a defective tail light.)

But back to the thin-lipped Ryan's request: he would deny Clinton access to state secrets, but allow them to be handed to Trump? In any rational society, Trump wouldn't be given a key to the executive washroom.

Here's to Senator Ben Sasse of Nebraska, who has said that a contest between Trump and Clinton has all the appeal of a dumpster fire. Or, remembering someone's comment--maybe Hunter S. Thompson's--during the Nixon-Humphrey campaign, this is a choice?

A continuing sludge of depressing news. The world has endured unlikely leaders before, but one begins to wonder--where is Edward Gibbon, chronicler of "The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire"?

There is some hope. Trump has now coyly hinted--or as coyly as is possible for him--that if elected he might not serve. Could we extract the same promise from Hillary?

Canada Post-It

Canada Post--giving new meaning to "The cheque is in the mail."

Is Canada Post Toast?

Canada Post has announced that it may feel compelled to lock out its employees by the weekend.

But the corporation has told Canadians not to worry.

A spokesman said, "We will faithfully save all pizza delivery flyers, Szechuan restaurant menus, real estate brochures, political newsletters, requests from charities, and supermarket broadsheets.

"Once we have settled this unfortunate incident to our satisfaction, all this material will be packed in sacks and trucked to your door."

The Glorious Fourth!

We arrive once more at the Fourth of July, birthday of Louis Armstrong and George M. Cohan. (Which may not be entirely accurate, but, as the newspaper editor in "The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance" says, "When the legend becomes fact, print the legend.")

Our music choices for today are Jimi Hendrix's explosive version of "The Star Spangled Banner," and the even quirkier "Fourth of July" symphony by Charles Ives.

But having neither at hand, we offer Cohan's great song:

I'm a Yankee Doodle dandy--
Yankee Doodle, do or die,
A real live nephew of my Uncle Sam,
Born on the Fourth of July.

I've a Yankee Doodle sweetheart,
She's my Yankee Doodle joy.
Yankee Doodle went to London,
Riding on a pony--
I am that Yankee Doodle boy!

A special wave of the flag to residents of, and descendants of, Bad Axe, Michigan.

Oh! Canada?

Another Canada Day, and grumbling continues over the lyrics in the national anthem--or, to be precise, over one word in the English lyrics (written by Robert Stanley Weir).

In 1908, Weir wrote "..thou doest in us command." In 1914, this was changed to "..in all thy sons command." It has been proposed that this be changed to the gender neutral "..in all of us command," but people who object to any change, except what they get back from the coffee machine, are against this. There could be--sigh--another national referendum. Oh, Canada.

Zoot Finster's excellent suggestion--"in all us cats command"--was not accepted. "In all persons of whatever gender and/or sexual orientation" was thought to lack rhythm.

There has aways been a problem in choosing a truly all-embracing Canadian song. "The Maple Leaf Forever" has been politically incorrect for fifty years, and no one in Quebec would ever sing "Wolfe, the dauntless hero, came.."

The most loved Canadian music was written by Don Messer and Stompin' Tom Connors and Wilf Carter ("When the Iceworms Nest Again").

The one person who seemed able to get it all together was Bobby Gimby, in his song for Expo 67, in the country's Centennial year.

All together now: "Ca-na-da!"

Too Much Information

We have been alerted that Canada Post employees will be in position to strike starting July 4, should they so decide.

This news reminded us of a postal strike several years ago, when we were sharing an office with Terry Garner. Garner said, "Now if only the phones would go out, too."

Long Shot in Las Vegas

The National Hockey League has awarded a franchise to the city of Las Vegas. The announcement was made by NHL Commissioner Gary "Sky" Bettman, who concluded his address by singing "Luck, Be a Lady Tonight."

So far, no name has been attached to the team. But here are a few said to be on the promoters'  short list:

* The Las Vegas Highrollers
* The Las Vegas Blackjacks
* The Las Vegas Snake Eyes
* The Las Vegas Goodfellas

Good shooting--on the ice and at the table--to them all.

Slap Maxwell, for PD Sports.