Unity...sort of

In a rare display of unanimity, Republican and Democratic campaign strategists have come up with the same slogan for the 2016 US Presidential Election.

The slogan chosen to be the rallying cry of both parties: "Consider the Alternative."

Vote for Vlad

Obviously the era of dirty tricks in politics didn't end with the departure of Tricky Dick. (Hi there, Debbie.)

Among the less credible items last week was the response to the story of Melania's speech tracking Michelle's. Leaders of the Trump team said the claim of plagiarism had been initiated by the Clinton campaign. Like nobody else noticed.

Then this week, Democrats asserted that the e-mails of Debbie Wasserman Schultz attempting to scuttle Bernie's campaign had been hacked and revealed by Russia, in hope that the US will make Donald (no fan of NATO) president. This seemed entirely wacky, but now some people not locked to Hill and Bill say this may be so.

Tonight's viewing: "The Manchurian Candidate."

(Where is Sinatra when we need him?)

Hillary, we have Christie's cell phone number

Hillary: Call Christie now!

Although many wish to see Hillary Clinton become the next US president (given the alternative) it is also recognized that she is a terrible campaigner. While those close to Ms. Clinton talk of her humor, her warmth, et cetera, none of these qualities is evident on the campaign trail, where she juts her lower mandible and exhorts in a voice that would make the late Pat Burns sound like Andrea Bocelli.

Christie Clark, on the other hand, or other border, conducted an extraordinary campaign, beating all odds and all polls, to become the premier of British Columbia.

Also Justin Trudeau, dismissed as a lightweight, and the target of a zillion dollar television attack by the Harper horde, triumphed.

So why did these two win? Largely because they appeared likable and attractive, as real people, as someone you might actually like to know. And how many politicians would you want to meet at Starbucks for a coffee?

So Hillary, get a hard hat. Ride a horse. Go to a Pride parade. Shake some hands. Try for a real smile.

Call Christie.

The Full Donald

Organized by photographer Spencer Tunick, one hundred women Sunday posed naked outside Cleveland's Quicken Loans Arena, site of the GOP National Convention. Their demonstration was in protest to what has been considered the misogynistic rhetoric of Donald Trump.

A spokesman for Trump was quick to respond. "If they want a fight, we're ready for it," he said. "Ted Cruz, Mitch McConnell, Paul Ryan, and ninety-six other totally buff Republican leaders are prepared to parade naked outside the convention centre. And, they will be proudly led by our nominee for president, Donald (what a body!) Trump."

Several hundred police officers, on security detail at the convention, say they plan to call in sick.

And the Wackiness Keeps Coming!

Outrage everywhere, it seems, over one of the Four Tenors changing a line in "O, Canada!" We were more offended when Mark Murphy changed the lyrics in Steve Allen's "This Could Be the Start of Something" from "declining a Charlotte Russe, accepting a fig" to "declining that rich French food.."

Donald Trump, the big orange of US politics, was equally offended when tiny, tough Ruth Bader Ginsburg expressed doubts about his ability to be President. Trump, who has frequently railed against what he calls "political correctness" accused Justice Ginsburg of being politically incorrect.

In Cleveland, speakers are assembling for next week's Republican National Convention. The keynote address will be given by Daffy Duck.

As one of her first moves, Theresa May, Britain's overnight new Prime Minister, has appointed Boris Johnson as foreign minister. And it's not April 1.

Meanwhile, May's husband, Philip, has joined Bill Clinton for a crash course on "Proper Demeanor for the First Dude."

Call Henry Higgins

In "Pygmalion" (and later, "My Fair Lady") Professor Henry Higgins, linguist and speech therapist, says, of the English language, "In America, they haven't spoken it in years."

He should be around now.

Among the injuries and insults suffered by the language is the pronunciation of "route" to rhyme with "snout" and of "basil" to rhyme with "nasal."

There are also those--especially on the mother network--who believe "Canada" is pronounced "Kenuhduh," and others who drop their Ts, giving us, for example "twenieth" and "sennor stage."

Perhaps most annoying--to our large but sensitive ears--is the habit of emphasizing the first syllable in many words, leading to "ree-sources" and  "ree-search," "dee-fence" and "inn-creasing." Perversely, words that do require emphasis on the first syllable have it moved to the second, so instead of "ex-quisite" we get "eck-skwiz-it." Terry Garner felt this began with Wynton Marsalis complaining that jazz musicians at Juilliard got no "ree-spect."

Meanwhile, the phrase "going to" has completely disappeared, and will be replaced in all future dictionaries by "gonna."

In full curmudgeon mode, we could go on to newspaper writers and editors who do not know the difference between "lay" and "lie," or between "comprise" and "compose." But that may be enough crankiness for now. We do not want to lose your ree-gard.

Stone the Bloody Crows!

Which is what Tony Antonias, the Australian-born copy chief of CKNW, used to leap up and shout when frustrated or angry, as he was the day sales manager John Donaldson demanded he immediately come up with a catchy campaign for a department store. However, after venting his Down Under wrath, he turned to his typewriter and, thumb on the space bar, composed the jingle that became famous as "Dollar-Forty-Nine Day--Woodward's!" For which he was paid a handsome $25.

But this is really about crows, an increasing nuisance, if not menace, during nesting time. Having watched Hitchcock's "The Birds" several times, they have learned how to swoop and attack. No one wants his head to be a landing pad for a crow, and some people have taken to swinging umbrellas or canes or tote bags. The other day, we saw crows departing in a hurry when gardeners began employing raucous weed eaters. So if you want to be really safe from aerial bombardment, carry a weed eater.

We know of two persons who adopted injured crows and made them family pets. One neighbor often could be seen on his deck flapping his arms to teach his crow how to fly. Then there was the  elderly lady who was threatened by both provincial and municipal authorities for "keeping a wild animal in an urban environment." We are pleased to report that a kind-hearted lawyer took the case, and both the lady and the crow won.

Crows were certainly the stars of Hitchcock's scary movie, but we preferred the crows in Disney's "Dumbo" singing "When I See an Elephant Fly."

There has been a lot said and written about the presumed intelligence of crows, but we believe the Steller's jay is a much brainier bird. We used to spread peanuts on the deck for the jays, and, if we were tardy in so doing, the jays would knock irritatedly on the window. Steller's jays are also tougher than crows. The crows would hang back in trees watching as the jays pecked open the peanuts, not daring to come closer. When the jays had demolished all the peanuts, off they would fly, saying to the crows, "Go ahead. We left you the shells."

Crows and jays may, like homo sapiens and gorillas, share a common ancestor--possibly the pterodactyl--but if so, the jays got all the best genes. Not only are they smarter and tougher, they're much better looking.

It's said that Hitchcock really wanted Steller's jays for "The Birds," but the jays demanded a script rewrite and a share of the box office. The crows said they'd do it for peanuts.