Life Begins at 90

We don't know if there is a Royal Astrologer ("Madame LaZonga, by appointment to Her Majesty") but it seems to us yesterday's reports of the ninetieth birthday of the Duke of Edinburgh were remiss in not providing a horoscope.

Left to stargazing of our own, we can report that Prince Philip is a Gemini, and, born on June 10, lives "a roller-coaster of highs and lows..is wildly romantic, vulnerable and kind...a loving mate...a person who loves to perform...and, while good at math, not at ease managing his own finances, so he looks to his mate to handle money."

Meanwhile, it is worth noting that Prince Philip has joined the company of eminent nonagenarians. Among those who preceded him were tennis glamor girl Helen Wills, who won the Wimbledon singles eight times, and could still hop over the net at 93; P.G. Wodehouse, creator of Jeeves and more than 100 novels, who departed this vale of laughter at 94; and John Gielgud, who made eight films after turning ninety, finally going to black at 96. 

Among nonagenarians happily still with us are Dave Brubeck and Dal Richards. This suggests the possibility of a trio, with Dal on sax, Brubeck on piano, and Philip? Well, perhaps he'd have a run at singing. He clearly has strong views on vocal performance. At a 1969 concert, he asked Tom Jones "What do you gargle with? Pebbles?"

Happy Birthday, Admiral Phil

It is the ninetieth birthday of Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh, and among his gifts are a coin bearing his likeness from the Royal Mint and a new title bestowed by the missus: Lord High Admiral of the Navy.

Prince Philip has said he is nearing his "sell-by date," but he appears very fit, as might be expected of someone who daily performs the rigorous RCAF 5BX workout regimen. 

What many of his fans are hoping for is a collection of Admiral Phil's off-the-cuff remarks, including the following:

To the President of Nigeria, in full ceremonial dress: "You look like you're ready for bed."

To a Scottish driving instructor: "How do you keep the natives off the booze long enough to get them through the test?"

Prior to a performance by Madonna: "Are we going to need ear plugs?"

To a trekker returned from Papua New Guinea: "You managed not to get eaten, then."

To the US Ambassador, on receiving a basket of American foods: "Where's the Southern Comfort?"

To a fashion writer: Might you be wearing "mink knickers?"

At a science exhibit, viewing robots: "They aren't mating, are they?"

To Cate Blanchett: Would you have a look at fixing my DVD player "as you're in the film industry?"

At a 2004 dinner: "Bugger the table plan, give me my dinner!"

We say, give him his own TV show!

Good News for Hockey Fans

The cheering news for hockey fans is that football is about to start.

The first CFL pre-season game is set for June 15: BC Lions at Calgary Stampeders. The regular season opens June 30: BC at Montreal.

The first game in the new BC Place Stadium will take place September 30...or so we are told.

And this is Vancouver's year to be host for the Grey Cup: November 27 at BC Place (or somewhere).

Now please get this to the people with Canucks tattoos and haircuts who are still yelling "Sweep! Sweep!"

Literary history

June 7: This date in 1945, Malcolm Lowry's shack on the Dollarton flats burned down. Gone in the blaze: the fourth draft of "Under the Volcano."

Lost in Transit

The Canucks really did get on that plane to Boston, didn't they?

Back in the Sandbox

Parliamentarians returned to work today.  Jack Layton was sly and clever, while Peter Van Loan, new House Leader for the Conservatives, appeared not to have spent enough time rehearsing his lines. His best moment came when he told MPs that the government has laid out "exactly what we would do to Canadians."  

A CBC Radio 2 host in the post-lunch slot, or what we professionals refer to as "the limbo shift" took a gratuitous swipe at Canuck Alex Burrows, suggesting, among other things, that Burrows' 11-second overtime goal against Boston lacked style. The host said the fact that Burrows is younger, better looking, and earns a whole lot more money had nothing to do with his comments. He was seen leaving the CBC building wearing a Toronto Maple Leafs jersey. 

In the Excited States, Representative Anthony Weiner of New York admitted today he had posted that photo of himself, or part of himself, on Twitter. He said he was glad to make a clean breast of it. "Now," he said, "I can stand erect."

And, moving to literary history, on this day in 1832 Jeremy Bentham, founder of the Westminster Review, caught the last streetcar. His skeleton, dressed and seated in a chair, remains on view at University College. It is said that Bentham, long deceased, still shows more wit than Conservative MPs.

Tie Match at Rogers Arena

Our Sports and Society Correspondent reports that a wedding will be performed this evening between the 1st and 2nd periods of the second Vancouver Canucks-Boston Bruins Stanley Cup series.

It is said that the officiant at the ceremony will wear a referee's uniform. 

We have it on good authority that the Sedin twins will sing a medley of Abba songs, and to complete the ceremony, Alex Burrows will skate out and bite the bride and groom's ring fingers. 

The referee will then declare the happy couple "man and wife, so help me, Gary Bettman."