Hey, Will; Hey, Kate!

Will and Kate have arrived in Canada. The newly titled Duchess of Cambridge was met, as she descended from the AirBus, by Foreign Affairs Minister John Baird, and showed her pluck by not immediately getting back on the plane. 

Thousands of fans lined the streets of Ottawa, eager for a close-up view of the couple believed by many to be Will and Grace, "Funny," said Irma Smackenfelt of Upper Register, NS, "Eric McCormack looks much different on TV."

Prime Minister Harper said he felt no nervousness at meeting Will and Kate. "I'm very familiar with the titled class," said Harper. "I'm a huge fan of Lady GaGa, and I watched every episode of 'The Dukes of Hazard'." 

Our reporter almost on the scene, Winthrop Currie-Favour, was unfortunately unable to attend the welcoming ceremonies at Rideau Hall, but tweeted this note: "Observed event from Holiday Inn in appropriate manner with bottle of Crown Royal." 

It is hoped that during the Royal Couple's mini-tour of Canada officials will bring out of retirement the waitress who served Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh, at a Saskatchewan dinner many years ago. It was she who uttered the most memorable line at that event: "Keep your fork, Dook--there's pie."

Leftover News

Hey, gotta use it up, or it goes bad. If it hasn't already.

1. Philip Roth, winner of this year's Man Booker international Prize, worth roughly $100,000, minus a grand or two, says he has given up reading fiction. Curious for a writer who has, over the past fifty years, turned out some sixty works of fiction, from "Goodbye, Columbus" in 1959 to "Nemesis" in 2011 (all highly recommended by this department). Apparently Roth has given up reading fiction, but not writing it. That's good, cuz we can't get our Phil. 

2. Swooping near attacks on pedestrians by crows have been reported in this neighborhood. One observer suggests the crows are protecting their nests, but we believe they have been watching an old Hitchcock movie on DVD.

3. John Baird has returned from Libya, where he told rebel leaders he was prepared to snarl and bare his teeth at Qaddafi. "Works in Ottawa," said Baird, "should be good in Tripoli." Meanwhile, back in Canada, watch for your mail tomorrow, delivered by Lisa Raitt.

Blogged out

Words of comfort for a mentally blocked blogger, paraphrased from writings of James Thurber:

"With a deadline staring me in the face, I have developed inflammation of the sentence structure and a definite hardening of the paragraphs." 

Filibusters

As we write, Canada's NDP Members of Parliament are conducting a filibuster intended to delay passage of a government bill that would order Canada Posties back to work so that Canadians will not be deprived of pizza flyers and overdue notices.

We thought it appropriate to examine the filibuster phenomenon. The term "filibuster" is, of course, named for Phil the Buster, the legendary bomb hurler. 

But seriously, folks, the filibuster can be traced back to Cato the Younger in 60 B.C. In recent times, the record for filibustering was set in 1977 by Texas State Senator Bill Meier who spoke for--get this--forty-three hours.  

The filibuster delivered by James Stewart in "Mr. Smith goes to Washington" is well-known to Turner Classic Movie viewers, but the best filibuster on film, in our far from humble opinion, is Bob Hope's, in the 1941 political satire "Louisiana Purchase." 

Demand this film at your local DVD store. And if it doesn't have it, deliver a filibuster of your own, right there on the mall.

Today in Politics

Liberal staff members of the BC government have been directed to take their holidays by August and then "say goodbye to your families." Observers believe this signals a fall election, but Premier Christy Clark remains coy: "That's for me to know," she said,"and for you to find out."

In a move intended to increase understanding between the government and the serfs..uh, electorate..Premier Clark has appointed onetime television person Pamela Martin as her "Outreach" representative. The appointment was made through the Bloy Payback Program, an initiative named for Cabinet Minister Harry ("I was there for you first, Christy!") Bloy.  

Still with BC politics, the government has declared war on salt. Health Minister Mike de Jong was seen in Ottawa's parliamentary restaurant sweeping salt shakers off tables, appearing to be a cross between Carrie Nation and a temperamental French chef. The BC government, alert to the health hazard of too much salt on your fries, is taking action. Health Minister de Jong has introduced a bill banning the expression "salt of the earth." "Henceforth," he announced, "it will be sodium chloride substitute of the earth." 

Also in Ottawa, John Baird paused while handing out mail carrier bags to MPs to say the Conservative government will bring forward a motion to outlaw opposition parties. "They are," said Baird, "an impediment to our ability to rule. I mean govern."

Summertime and the livin' is sleazy--oops, sorry--easy

Oldest song in the English language:

Svmer is icumen in

Lhude sing cuccu!

Growep sed and blowep med

and springp pbe wde nu.

Sing cuccu!

Or, for those not entirely comfortable with Middle English: 

Summer is a-coming in

Loudly sing cuckoo

Groweth seed and bloweth mead

and springs the wood anew.

Sing cuckoo!

June 21 is the first day of summer. Watch for television weather reporters everywhere singing this song.

Ma Green's Riot Report

"Yis, I saw that fracas last Wednesday night. Disgraceful, I call it. Disgraceful! Of course, as our friends in the media keep tellin' us, those wasn't Vancouver people involved in the window smashin' and car burnin'. No, they was Martians.

"And those wasn't hockey fans, either. Mebbe those hooligans was wearin' $200 Canucks sweaters, but they probly stole 'em off the backs of some real fans.

"Sure, it was a good idea they shut the liquor stores early. But did you see what the street vendors was peddlin'? Riot Cola.

"I'm goin' out now to sweep up some glass and write a sonnet on the boarded-up Bay windows. This is Ma Green, sayin' keep cheery, dearie."