Today in Politics

Liberal staff members of the BC government have been directed to take their holidays by August and then "say goodbye to your families." Observers believe this signals a fall election, but Premier Christy Clark remains coy: "That's for me to know," she said,"and for you to find out."

In a move intended to increase understanding between the government and the serfs..uh, electorate..Premier Clark has appointed onetime television person Pamela Martin as her "Outreach" representative. The appointment was made through the Bloy Payback Program, an initiative named for Cabinet Minister Harry ("I was there for you first, Christy!") Bloy.  

Still with BC politics, the government has declared war on salt. Health Minister Mike de Jong was seen in Ottawa's parliamentary restaurant sweeping salt shakers off tables, appearing to be a cross between Carrie Nation and a temperamental French chef. The BC government, alert to the health hazard of too much salt on your fries, is taking action. Health Minister de Jong has introduced a bill banning the expression "salt of the earth." "Henceforth," he announced, "it will be sodium chloride substitute of the earth." 

Also in Ottawa, John Baird paused while handing out mail carrier bags to MPs to say the Conservative government will bring forward a motion to outlaw opposition parties. "They are," said Baird, "an impediment to our ability to rule. I mean govern."