Wishing to eschew the crassness of Christmas commercialism, the frantic gift buying, the catastrophic debt accumulation, the crowds, the mall music, the pushing, the shoving (sorry, grandma on the escalator), we have decided this year to approach gift-giving with a nobler purpose in mind--not in self aggrandizement, but as a helping hand to others.
And that is why, instead of the usual gift you receive, we have taken this approach: we have given your name, address, and credit card numbers to several suspect charities, many of which have found fundraising difficult since having their tax receipt classification removed.
We have also given your telephone number to Telemarketers International, an association that represents several hundred telemarketing companies. We know you'll be looking forward eagerly to their calls!
And so, Merry Christmas, friends! And please don't thank us. Christmas is all about giving.
Happy holidays! (Your name here)
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