We are indebted to Drummond Moir, intrepid typo trapper, and the book "Just My Typo" for some fine examples of words gone awry.
For example, these items from signs in French hotels:
"To call a broad from France, first dial 00."
"Please leave your values at the front desk,"
"French widow in every room."
Mr. Moir saw a newspaper headline reading "Bishops Agree Sex Abuse Rules" and a parking lot notice stating "Illegally parked cars will be fine."
Then there was this airport warning: "Passengers must stay with their luggage at all times or they will be taken away and destroyed." And in an 1864 edition of the Bible: "Rejoice and be exceedingly clad."
All of this reminds us of a time when Pacific Press typesetters took job action, and the irreplaceable Ormond Turner mounted a sign in the newspaper coffee room reading "Typorgaphers On Stirke."
Saturday, October 27, 2012
Thursday, October 25, 2012
Hockey Fans for Obama
US President Obama won the support of hockey fans Wednesday when he spoke out for them on Jay Leno's "Tonight" show.
"C'mon, guys," he said, telling the owners and players, in effect, to get their act together. "You're making a lot of bucks, you should be able to figure this out."
Hockey fans, already in serious withdrawal, are praying that Gary Bettman and Donald Fehr will heed the words of the Commander in Chief. But whatever happens or does not happen on the ice this November, Obama has the hockey vote.
It would be so much simpler if the NHL were a wholly Canadian league. Then Stephen Harper could just have Labor Minister Lisa Raitt put the back-to-work legislation into action.
"C'mon, guys," he said, telling the owners and players, in effect, to get their act together. "You're making a lot of bucks, you should be able to figure this out."
Hockey fans, already in serious withdrawal, are praying that Gary Bettman and Donald Fehr will heed the words of the Commander in Chief. But whatever happens or does not happen on the ice this November, Obama has the hockey vote.
It would be so much simpler if the NHL were a wholly Canadian league. Then Stephen Harper could just have Labor Minister Lisa Raitt put the back-to-work legislation into action.
Monday, October 22, 2012
Football in Fog, Ice and Snow
One of the most charming moments in last weekend's CFL match between the Hamilton Tiger-Cats and the Calgary Stampeders, played in driving snow in McMahon Stadium, came when Bakari Grant, after scoring a touchdown, stretched out in the end zone and made snow angels.
For many, this is the way football is meant to be played--outdoors, in whatever weather is hurled at us. Chilly? Wear a scarf and carry a well-fortified Thermos.
One of the most memorable Grey Cup games, played in Toronto in 1962, was dubbed the Fog Bowl. Five minutes into the fourth quarter, when the officials realized the quarterbacks couldn't even see the guys snapping the ball, they called a 24-hour time out. The game was finished the following day, fog having lifted.
Then there was the Ice Bowl, in Montreal in 1977. The Alouettes' Tony Proudfoot said, "The field was a skating rink." So he came up with the idea that saved his team and the game: they switched their cleats for sneakers and nailed staples in the soles.
What might happen as we move toward the 100th Grey Cup game? Stay tuned, and watch the Weather Channel.
For many, this is the way football is meant to be played--outdoors, in whatever weather is hurled at us. Chilly? Wear a scarf and carry a well-fortified Thermos.
One of the most memorable Grey Cup games, played in Toronto in 1962, was dubbed the Fog Bowl. Five minutes into the fourth quarter, when the officials realized the quarterbacks couldn't even see the guys snapping the ball, they called a 24-hour time out. The game was finished the following day, fog having lifted.
Then there was the Ice Bowl, in Montreal in 1977. The Alouettes' Tony Proudfoot said, "The field was a skating rink." So he came up with the idea that saved his team and the game: they switched their cleats for sneakers and nailed staples in the soles.
What might happen as we move toward the 100th Grey Cup game? Stay tuned, and watch the Weather Channel.
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
Post-debate Polling Results
Results from polling conducted immediately following the Obama-Romney debate at Hofstra University, Long Island:
79% of viewers who sat through the ninety-minute exchange said they would have preferred to have spent the time having a root canal.
82% of voters now say they would vote for Candy Crowley for President.
79% of viewers who sat through the ninety-minute exchange said they would have preferred to have spent the time having a root canal.
82% of voters now say they would vote for Candy Crowley for President.
Monday, October 15, 2012
Justin Time
Tired of the US presidential election campaign? Yeah. Tired of Stephen Harper's traveling global statesman routine? Yeah. But here's something: Canada's Liberal Party has seen a sudden upswing in voter support, now passing the NDP as second to Mr. Harper's Conservatives, and, one might say, nipping at their heels.
The reason? Many believe it's the entry of Justin Trudeau into the Liberal leadership race. We recommend that the Liberals immediately get the rights to the song "Just in Time" as a campaign theme. We can hear it now:
"Just in time
And now it's Justin time
Before his time
We were running low.
"But now that stops.
We know he's got the chops.
He looks just like his pops.
He's a Trudeau!"
(Please feel free to sing along)
"Now he's here,
And we know just where we're going.
No more doubt or fear,
Of Stevie's snowing.
"Cause this is Justin's time,
He found us just in time,
And Trudeau mania
Once again is here!"
(Apologies to original "Just in Time" lyricists Betty Comden and Adolph Green.)
The reason? Many believe it's the entry of Justin Trudeau into the Liberal leadership race. We recommend that the Liberals immediately get the rights to the song "Just in Time" as a campaign theme. We can hear it now:
"Just in time
And now it's Justin time
Before his time
We were running low.
"But now that stops.
We know he's got the chops.
He looks just like his pops.
He's a Trudeau!"
(Please feel free to sing along)
"Now he's here,
And we know just where we're going.
No more doubt or fear,
Of Stevie's snowing.
"Cause this is Justin's time,
He found us just in time,
And Trudeau mania
Once again is here!"
(Apologies to original "Just in Time" lyricists Betty Comden and Adolph Green.)
Thursday, October 11, 2012
No Fast Eddie, Mr. President!
Obama fans across the country are pleading, "Don't do a Fast Eddie Felson, Mr. President!" The reference is to the character in "The Hustler," the Walter Tevis novel (and Paul Newman film) who is brilliant with a pool cue, but for some reason lets his guard down and allows himself to be beaten by an inferior player.
This was the awful scenario that sprang to mind after the initial Obama-Romney debate. The President has since said, "I was too polite with Governor Romney."
Do not expect Vice-President Joe Biden to be too polite with Rep. Paul Ryan tonight. Ryan, the B-side on the Republican ticket, will face Veep Joe in debate in Kentucky. One of the few things these men have in common is that they are both Roman Catholic, but a kiss of peace is unlikely.
Meanwhile, Obama backers have high hopes for the next two Obama-Romney debates. They remember that Fast Eddie, after his humiliating loss, and broken thumbs, came back to beat the other guy, and then took Minnesota Fats, as well.
If only the Obama-Romney contest could be settled one-on-one on a basketball court.
This was the awful scenario that sprang to mind after the initial Obama-Romney debate. The President has since said, "I was too polite with Governor Romney."
Do not expect Vice-President Joe Biden to be too polite with Rep. Paul Ryan tonight. Ryan, the B-side on the Republican ticket, will face Veep Joe in debate in Kentucky. One of the few things these men have in common is that they are both Roman Catholic, but a kiss of peace is unlikely.
Meanwhile, Obama backers have high hopes for the next two Obama-Romney debates. They remember that Fast Eddie, after his humiliating loss, and broken thumbs, came back to beat the other guy, and then took Minnesota Fats, as well.
If only the Obama-Romney contest could be settled one-on-one on a basketball court.
Sunday, October 7, 2012
The Great Thanksgiving Escape
Several hundred turkeys held captive in a Fraser Valley farm made a daring escape only hours before facing their fate as Thanksgiving dinner. The great escape was engineered by Hercules ("Herky") Turkey, who spoke to reporters while relaxing poolside in Palm Springs.
"Did you call that a farm?" said Herky. "We called it a gulag. I said to my buddy Lurky, 'We're gettin' outa here. We're bustin' free. I have a plan'."
Guards at the farm were mystified to find the pens empty on their early morning rounds. "I was sure them pens was full," said one, "on accounta we good hear all that panicked gobbling."
"I recorded the gobbling," said Herky, "and set up a player with a tape loop. Then we built skate boards outa slats from the fence, and took off. Not as classy as Steve McQueen's motorcycle, maybe, but they did the job."
Lurky, just in from a round of golf, joined the conversation. "We were lucky," he said, "that our pal Murky had a DVD of 'The Great Escape.' That showed us how to do it. I personally modeled my performance after James Garner's."
The happy fugitives were about to set out for the evening with some female companions. "And let me tell you," winked Herky, "these are some wild turkeys."
Anything else you would like to say?
"Yes," said Herky, "I just want to wish a very happy Thanksgiving to all the folks feasting on roast tofu." Then, with a roar of gobbles, they were off.
"Did you call that a farm?" said Herky. "We called it a gulag. I said to my buddy Lurky, 'We're gettin' outa here. We're bustin' free. I have a plan'."
Guards at the farm were mystified to find the pens empty on their early morning rounds. "I was sure them pens was full," said one, "on accounta we good hear all that panicked gobbling."
"I recorded the gobbling," said Herky, "and set up a player with a tape loop. Then we built skate boards outa slats from the fence, and took off. Not as classy as Steve McQueen's motorcycle, maybe, but they did the job."
Lurky, just in from a round of golf, joined the conversation. "We were lucky," he said, "that our pal Murky had a DVD of 'The Great Escape.' That showed us how to do it. I personally modeled my performance after James Garner's."
The happy fugitives were about to set out for the evening with some female companions. "And let me tell you," winked Herky, "these are some wild turkeys."
Anything else you would like to say?
"Yes," said Herky, "I just want to wish a very happy Thanksgiving to all the folks feasting on roast tofu." Then, with a roar of gobbles, they were off.
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