Radio 2 Island

Some CBC listeners (and former listeners, those who fled following the switch to songs that have only one line in the chorus; e.g., "Oh yeah, babe, my heart is weepin'," repeated 412 times in Radio Two's version of the Chinese water torture) may wonder what has happened to familiar voices no longer heard, the vanished hosts of canceled programs. 

The answer, provided by our team of investigative reporters, is that they have been ferried to a small island in the Gulf of Georgia, secured by the CBC expressly for this purpose.  There, on the Island of Dead Air, they continue to produce their programs, unaware that their mellow tones and flawless pronunciation are not transmitted through conch and scallop shells.

Delbert Willingham, spokesperson for the Corporation, says, "All the Island folk are happy and serene, delivering their once famous programs to a nonexistent audience.  They no longer have worries regarding listener ratings or executive interference."

Meanwhile, there is talk of a band known as the Cultural Renegades seizing a ship and sailing to the island to release the hostage hosts.  "They are," declared one Renegade, "an endangered species."  The Cultural Renegades are awaiting a response to their application for a government grant.