Here Comes the Groomer

As Prime Minister Stephen Harper wends his way around the world, eager to establish his position as Global Statesman, it has come to light that he has a personal groomer.  Michelle Muntean, identified by Bruce Headle in The Globe and Mail as a former makeup artist for CBC and CTV, has been at Mr. Harper's side, and presumably the rest of him, since he ran for leadership of the Conservative party. 

According to the Ottawa-based Headle, "Ms. Muntean's tasks include coordinating Mr. Harper's suits and ties, overseeing his makeup and hair for major speeches and TV appearances, even picking lint off his jackets."  It would seem that Mr. Harper is eager to appear as suave and debonair as Nicolas Sarkozy or Dmitry Medvedev or even Jack Layton, none of whom is known to have a personal groomer (although spouses may occasionally suggest a change of necktie, and who wouldn't take a fashion tup from Carla Bruni?).  

But if Steve has a personal groomer, why is it not working?  Why does his hair style run a close second to Donald Trump's?  Why does his personal style have all the dash of Digger O'Dell, the funeral director on "The Life of Riley"?  Our conclusion:  Ms. Muntean is a Liberal plant, a mole in the Harper entourage, controlled by Bob Rae and secretly working to make Mr. Harper seem even more square than he may be.

Our advice:  Steve, next time Michelle suggests you wear that Boy Scout insignia necktie with the short-sleeved shirt and charcoal polyester suit, next time she hands you a tube of Brylcreem, ask yourself "Whose side is she really on?"  

But heedless of our words of caution, Steve strides on stage, his jacket lint-free, seats himself at the piano and launches into his current hit, a cover of the Steve Allen classic "You Gotta Have Something in the Bank, Frank."