"What the government must do," says Fulminster, "is tell the electorate that HST doesn't stand for Harmonized Sales Tax. Ha ha, that was just a silly misunderstanding, blown up by the media and our socialist enemies. No, HST stands for...well, something else."
Pressed to say exactly what HST might stand for that voters would embrace, Fulminster said he was late for his daily three-martini lunch. But other advertising bigwigs turned their creative teams onto the task, and here are the three front-runners:
1. Help Sagging Torsos
This campaign would explain that HST--Help Sagging Torsos--is a fitness program, designed to get British Columbians into top physical condition. Premier Campbell and Finance Minister Hansen would tour the province, leading gym workouts, 10k runs, and martial arts demonstrations. Billboards on all major thoroughfares to show Messrs. Campbell and Hansen in stylish gym togs from lululemon.
2. Heroes Save Tonto
Created to reach technology-savvy younger British Columbians, HST--Heroes Save Tonto--would introduce a new video game. While the Lone Ranger is on a trade mission, Tonto is taken captive by a band of socialists and forced to listen to tapes of 1960s hootenannies. The challenge for gamesters is to get brave Tonto out of this pickle.
3. Have Some Turkey!
The overwhelming favorite, so far. Under the banner HST--Have Some Turkey!--Premier Campbell and loyal cabinet ministers would travel throughout B.C., roasting turkeys in parks, community centres, school grounds, and other venues, and offering succulent morsels to cheering crowds. This idea placed high in focus group testing, especially among participants given not only roast turkey but also Wild Turkey.
Will these strategies work? The government is clinging to that hope. However, a spokesperson for the anti-HST petitioners said "Wait until the next election. Then we'll see what HST really means: Heads Shall Topple."
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