Turkey Talk

Old Tom, the wise man of the brood, was having his Thanksgiving chat with the youngsters. "You know," he said, "it wasn't always like this--living in waterfront condos, driving imported autos, going to private schools. No, youngsters, hard as it may be to believe, there was a time when turkeys lived in pens and had to scratch on the ground for food."

"Gosh, Papa Tom," said one listener. "How did we escape that?'

"Well," said Old Tom, "it began on the farm of Bruno 'The Brute' McGurk. He had thousands of turkeys enslaved. And he used them to create his products: McGurk's Turkey Burgers, McGurk's Turkey Lasagna, McGurk's Turkey Chowder.

"Then, one day, he thought of a new one--McGurk's Turkey Jerky. And he had what he thought was a brilliant idea: to get turkey tough and chewy enough--"

He stopped, as two of his listeners fell to the floor in a faint.

"Sorry, youngsters. But to return to the story, McGurk's idea was to give the turkeys steroids. He thought the bigger the bird, the bigger the profits. But he didn't count on one thing."

"What was that, Papa Tom?'

"The more steroids he put in their feed, the bigger and stronger and tougher they got. It led to a rebellion, led by our legendary hero, Steve McTurk. One Saturday that fall, Steve led the steroid-powered turkeys in a rampage."

"What happened to Bruno 'The Brute' McGurk?"

"Last anyone saw of him, he was turning slowly on a rotisserie."

"And Steve McTurk?"

"Went on to become a media celebrity. In fact, it's time for his show. Let's tune in, as the announcer says''--

"And now, North America's Number One opinion show, where there's never any gobbledygook. Welcome our host, Steve McTurk, open the lines, and 'Let's Talk Turkey!'"