This is Your Captain Speaking

The report that a pilot for the People's Airline had fallen into a deep sleep on a Trans-Atlantic flight and then wakened to mistake the planet Venus for another aircraft has led to some serious thinking at the Air Transport Safety Board. 

Myron Bigglesworth, speaking for the Board, said "It has been recommended that we put cuckoo clocks in every cockpit. An earlier suggestion that we install grandfather clocks was found impractical. Further, we are recommending that each crew carry tanks of quadruple strength espresso, to be administered to pilots hourly."

The news reached Captain Dwayne "Ace" Ripperton as he was piloting a 747 over the Pole. He wanted to share the news with passengers, and began "This is your Captain speaking, assuring you that we are fully alert, and in full control of th...zzz zzz zzz."