"I was about to board the plane with my sack of eggs when the problems began. First the airline demanded another thirty-five dollars for my carry-on, saying, 'That's pretty big for the overhead, fella. Not to mention the ears.'
"Then a security agent confiscated my bottle of organic carrot juice and demanded I step into the full body-scanner. They were most impertinent, making rude remarks about cotton-tails.
"Finally boarded, I found myself seated between an elderly woman with an allergy to rabbit fur and a large man who insisted on telling me his favorite recipes for rabbit stew and jugged hare.
"But the worst moment came when, in mid-flight, I unwrapped a chocolate egg I had saved for myself. Someone screamed, 'It's a bomb! He's going to blow us to smithereens!' I said, 'Calm yourself, madam, this is pure Belgian chocolate,' and bit into the fondant centre. Then a man cried, 'I think that's cocaine! He's smuggling drugs in Easter eggs!'
"Attendants and passengers seized me, the plane made an emergency landing, and I am now incarcerated in what would be less than a third-rate hutch. A bomb squad is defusing my sack of eggs.
"So if on Easter morning you have to settle for Cheesies or pork rinds instead of chocolate eggs, don't blame me.
"And if anyone can assist with my bail, it would be greatly appreciated, They're asking for a lot of lettuce."
No comments:
Post a Comment