"Anyone Can Whistle"--Stephen Sondheim

I was stunned to discover that  my whistling teakettle had stopped whistling.  "What is the problem, dear kitchen appliance?" I whispered.  "What has happened to your sunny disposition, your joie de vivre, your dedication to melody?"

No answer.

I should have known something was wrong.  For several mornings, the whistle had grown more subdued, ending, finally, in a pathetic "Pfft."

The Home Hardware Therapist would have the answer, I was sure, so I wrapped the kettle in a tea cosy and raised off to my neighborhood store.

The therapist was in his usual place, between the plungers and the plumber's snakes.  He could see at once that my kettle was in distress.  "Maybe," he said, running his hands over the kettle's glossy surface, "it's the tea you're making.  Or perhaps it's the music you're playing in the morning.  What have you been listening to?"

I had to confess that I had switched from my usual mix of Count Basie and Maria Callas to a heavy metal band called the Chocolate Brassiere Strap.

"Ah," the therapist nodded knowingly, "there's your problem:  heavy metal.  Too stressful, too intense, for this fine and delicate kettle.  Try some string quartets--Mozart, Debussy, not Shostakovich.  And you might switch to Moroccan mint tea."

I am delighted to report that the therapist's remedy worked!  Within days, my teakettle was not only whistling again, but whistling better than ever!  Whistling challenging pieces from the Paganini caprices to Charlie Parker's "Scrapple from the Apple"!

And, a wonderful and unexpected blessing:  my coffee percolator has joined in, providing a solid bass line for numbers like "C Jam Blues".  

Stephen Sondheim may say anyone can whistle, but not everyone can whistle like my teakettle, not everyone can perc like my coffee pot.