Full Body Scanners

Good day, security-conscious fellow Canadians!  This is Transport Minister John Baird at the Ottawa International Airport, along with our leader and his Yamaha portable, for a demonstration of the new full body scanners put in place for air traffic safety.

I know there has been some concern regarding the implementation of these devices, as they are reported to produce a revealing electronic disrobing of passengers.  That's why Steve and I are here, to prove that you need have no fear of an invasion of privacy. 

To play the role of a typical airline passenger we have with us Philomena Buxtable, known to many as Miss Tar Sands of 2009.  Miss Buxtable will step in front of the scanner (dubbed by its users Ol' X-Ray Eyes) while Steve plays and sings "I Can See Clearly Now."  Everyone ready? Then here we go. 

Well, see how easy that was?  And all conducted with total decency and decorum, and respect for the passenger.  (Umm--Miss Buxtable--interesting placement of the Conservative Party logo tattoo.)

And now, Steve himself will step in front of the scanner, to show he's one of us.  There we go, Steve.  Hey, nice boxers. 

And that concludes our demonstration for...what's that, Steve?  The Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders are about to board?  Well, I guess we could stay a little longer.  Steve, please let go of the controls, I'm running this thing!  Go back to the piano!  Steeeve!