"The concept is simple but brilliant. Contestants enter a ring, designed to resemble the old Roman Coliseum. Each contestant is allowed to carry a weapon of choice. Then we open the cage doors, and wild jungle beasts, which haven't been fed for three days, and have been prodded with pointed sticks and electric probes to make them really, really cross, are let into the ring. The challenge for the contestants is to defeat the beasts and get out of the ring more or less intact. There are penalties for lost limbs. Our judge, the toga-clad Nero DeCruel, will award thumbs up or thumbs down, depending on how he rates the performance.
"And now, I think we're ready for our first contestant. Entering the ring, wearing sandals and loin cloth, is Farley Dorkmeister, a parking meter checker from Washakaw, Manitoba. Farley is carrying his chosen weapon, which happens to be a badminton racquet. Get ready, folks--the cage bars are rising, and here come the ravenous beasts!
"Well, tough luck, Farley. Thumbs down from our judge. There is a consolation prize, however: a year's supply of BandAids.
"That's our show for tonight, folks. Join us tomorrow for another Reality adventure. Tomorrow's program will come to you from Niagara Falls. Be watching for 'So You Want to be a Tightrope Walker.'
"Thanks for watching, and remember: Always Get Real!"
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