It's Two and Out at the UN

Canada failed to secure a seat on the UN Security Council this week, despite gifts of maple syrup for delegates, appearances by red-clad RCMP officers, and Stephen Harper's rendition of Leonard Cohen's "First We Take Manhattan."  The two seats up for grabs went to Germany and that super power, Portugal.

Lawrence "Loose" Cannon, Canada's Minister of Foreign Affairs, was quick to pin the blame on Michael Ignatieff.  Fed lines by Conservative spin doctors, he also blamed Ignatieff for H1N1, flooding in British Columbia, and male pattern baldness. 

"I knew," said a Conservative insider, on grounds of anonymity, "we should have offered delegates the chance for a date with Celine Dion."