Recently released Homeland Security documents list a number of signs among airline passengers that may betray a terrorist threat. These signs include excessive yawning, manic laughter, and offensive body odor.
Noting an opportunity for profit in this, the conglomerate Cleanliness-R-Us has begun developing a new line of body products. Here is the script for a television commercial ready to launch one of these products:
Scene: Crowded airline terminal. Security personnel observing long lineups of travelers.
Guard 1: See anything suspicious, Bob?
Guard 2: No, Frank. But there's something in the air. I can sense it.
Guard 1: Me too, Bob. I think it's coming from that guy over there. Either he needs a change of underwear, or--
Guard 2: Or he's a terrorist! Right, Frank! Let's take him in!
As the guards drag the man out of the lineup, announcer appears on screen holding a bottle of Anti-Terror Shower Gel.
Announcer: Don't let this happen to you! To avoid Terrorist B.O., scrub thoroughly with new Anti-Terror Shower Gel! Available in four CSIS-approved scents!
Man: Hey, what're you doing? I'm clean!
Guard 1: We'll see about that. This calls for a strip search.
Guard 2: As soon as we get into our Haz-Mat outfits.
Announcer: Avoid this embarrassment and inconvenience when you travel. Don't risk T.B.O. Before you fly, spend a cleansing time with Anti-Terror Shower Gel!
Tag: And for extra protection, ask for Free-to-Fly Anti-Perspirant.
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