Tuesday, January 30, 2018

State of the Onion

Good evening, fellow onion lovers, and welcome to the Green House.

It is an honor for me to deliver my first State of the Onion address.

There have been historic advances in horticulture over this first year of my term as Head Gardener, and I am pleased to report bumper crops of not only white and red onions, but also chives and shallots. And we have not ignored the minorities in our patch: witness the great growth of scallions.

We have also taken steps to preserve the sacred integrity of our turf. We have cracked down on unauthorized leeks, we are investing heavily to build up our supply of Raid, and we are about to build a giant fence along the border of our plot.

Finally, I must express my gratitude for the continued support of my beautiful wife, Vidalia.

Thank you, thank you. Please, seventeen standing ovations is enough.

No comments:

Post a Comment