Breaking News

Economic statisticians reported today that Canada's top CEOs (Costly Excessive Oligarchs) had earned as much, in the first two and one-half days of 2012, as the average Canadian will earn in the entire year. We think that shows that the CEOs deserve an extra-long coffee break this afternoon.

In British Columbia, the provincial government's program to help smokers give up nicotine is proving effective. However, a recent analysis of the patches distributed by the Christy Clark regime indicate that they also contain a powerful anti-Adrian Dix drug. 

The situation in the Persian Gulf grew tense today as US aircraft carriers gave the Iranian navy the Clint Eastwood stare. A spokesman for Iran retorted, "What the Americans do not know is that we have developed a gigantic nuclear falafel."

Finally, latest polls from Iowa show the favorite in tonight's Republican caucus vote to be Bart Simpson.