"This is Bart Falafel, Pointless Digressions' man at the Olympic Games in London. But not the usual games. No, leave it to the conventional media to cover weight lifting and discus hurling. We're reporting from the Octopus and Squid Public House in South Chippington, where the Pub Grub Championships are being held.
"Already we have some impressive performances. In the Conspicuous Consumption event, Lyle Flatula of the USA has put away massive amounts of pork scratchings, pickled eggs, steak and kidney pud, bangers and mash, and jellied eel. To keep it going, Lyle has also knocked back barrels of bitter, Guinness, bucks fizz, Pimms, scrumpy and shandy. Well done, Lyle!
"Turning now to the Cockney Slang competition, we find Winston Wallaby of Australia well ahead with his mastery of such terms as weasel and stoat, butcher's hook, treacle and strife, and daffadown dilly. Good on you, Winston! Keep them coming!
"Finally, looking at the Darts competition, we see fine form. There was an unfortunate upset, however, when hometown hero Basil Smithe was disqualified, after his dart pierced the pub owner's posterior. Smithe explained that he had been distracted by the sudden appearance of a comely bar maid, and believes she may have deliberately been placed in his line of vision by rival hurlers.
"Stay tuned for more news of international competition at the Pub Grub Championships. No gold medals here, but those triumphing in first place will receive coveted Octopus and Squid laminated coasters.
"This is Bart Falafel, returning you to the P.D. desk, and heading to the bar."
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment