1. Pour a generous draught of Irish whiskey--Midleton Very Rare, if (a) you can find it, and (b) you've just won the lottery. (Someone has suggested a drop of pickle juice in a glass of Johnny Jameson's for a true Irish drink, but not at this bar.)
2. Serve up colcannon and boxty and Guinness stew. And, if you're lucky, you might find Molly O'Rourke's Irish Whiskey Fruit Cake.
3. Try to read "Finnegan's Wake."
4. Okay, then--just sing "Finnegan's Wake."
5. Watch "The Quiet Man" for the twenty-fifth time.
6. Listen to a Mary Coughlan CD. Seriously.
7. Try to find a clip of Ronald Reagan and Brian Mulroney singing "When Irish Eyes are Smiling."
8. Hang out with Jiggs at Dinty Moore's saloon. Watch out for Maggie.
9. Get in a fight.
10. Dance a jig.