Hamid Karzai, President of Afghanistan and the most distinguished statesman on the international stage since Ish Kabibble, has declared that unless people stop nagging him about petty matters like government corruption and the opium market, he will join the Taliban. The Taliban quickly responded, saying "Hey, we've got enough problems. Tell Karzai to join something else, like the Phoenix Coyotes."
"Good idea," said Karzai. "I will join the Phoenix Coyotes and move them to Kabul, making it the world capital of sand hockey."
The surge of global popularity enjoyed by Karzai has led to plans for a film biography. Jerry Lewis is set to star as "The Nutty President."
In other news, journalists around the world petitioned Kyrgyzstan to change its name to something easier to spell.
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