Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Earthquake Dating

Breaking news from all over:

* During President Obama's State of the Union address, Democrats and Republicans were persuaded to sit together, instead of in rival gang wars like the Sharks and the Jets. An unexpected consequence: some of the former bitter opponents were seen holding hands, and Rep. Orville Windus (D.Tex.) and Rep. Florence Hoople (R.Mich.) have announced their engagement.

* Prime Minister Stephen Harper is in Geneva as co-chair of a United Nations conference on infant and maternal health. It is believed Canada will provide Third World mothers with a tape recording of Prime Minister Steve crooning lullabies.  "He always puts us to sleep," said Bob Rae. 

* Residents of Metro Vancouver today participated in an earthquake drill.  At 10 a.m., on signal, they dove under desks, tables and beds to prepare themselves for what we in the news media like to call The Big One. At 3:00 p.m., it was reported, several couples were still under their desks. Further engagement announcements are anticipated.

* Yesterday was Robbie Burns Day. Our senior writer was last seen weaving away from The Old Heather Inn reciting "A Man's a Man for A'That." If found, please return him to Pointless Digressions. No questions asked.

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