Triage at Tim's

Vancouver residents were surprised to learn that some patients arriving at the emergency ward of New Westminster's Royal Columbian Hospital Monday night were treated in the hospital's Tim Horton's coffee bar. Our roving reporter, Vince Decoupage, has talked to some of the people who were there, and this is what they had to say:

Al Flannery, long distance trucker: "Real good, I thought. Just went into Tim's to get a double espresso, and ended up with a free rhinoplasty."

Adelaide McCloskey, retired English teacher: "They were ever so nice. I thought i was having an attack, but this wonderful man in white gave me some medication, and I felt instantly cured. I asked him the name of this miracle medicine, and he told me it was a mocha latte. I know he was some kind of specialist, because on his outfit he had a tag reading 'Barista'."  

Dr. Henry Wotherspoon, surgeon: "Fellow said he could die for a macchiato. Thought he said a machete. I was all set to amputate. Damned noisy cappuccino machine confused me." 

Vince Decoupage: "That wraps up our report, Pointless fans, except to say that this signals a giant leap forward in medical practice, as patients everywhere are now clamoring for coffee shop care. Thanks for tuning in, and I'll have an Americano."