A Nickel for Your Thoughts

The announcement that the Canadian Mint will cease producing pennies and the government will begin recalling all the copper-colored coins has ramifications far beyond the piggy bank. Bernard Bigelow, our financial and falafel correspondent, has these items:

* The song "Pennies from Heaven," if performed at all, will be retitled "Debit Cards from Your Bank."

* The saying "A penny for your thoughts" will be replaced by "A nickel for your thoughts." Plus GST and HST where required.

* Police (no longer to be called coppers) will search closets coast to coast and confiscate all penny loafers.

* Women named Penelope who have been accustomed to the nickname Penny will have their names automatically changed. These women will be given a choice of new name, either Elmira or Boadicea.

* Anyone caught throwing pennies in a wishing well will be made to dive in and retrieve them.

And that's the news for the soon-to-be-extinct penny. Now the nickel is feeling nervous.