Rob Ford, the Musical

Bob Sledd, our roving sports reporter, has been slow to check in from Sochi. When making his travel arrangements, Bob mistakenly thought Sochi was in Northern Alberta. Then, after arriving in the Russian resort, he was trapped in an elevator for two days, surviving only on a protein bar and the ink in his ballpoint pen.

However, Bob is now on the job, and he reports (we are not making this up) that a Russian ski coach declared that "women do not have the right bodies for ski jumping. Their bodies are made for having babies and doing housework." Bob says, "Good luck to this guy in ever getting another date--except possibly for a one-way trip in a luge."

Meanwhile, on the home scene, it is reported that movie makers have obtained rights to "Crazy Town," the Rob Ford story. Watch for this to be followed by "Rob Ford, the Musical," "Rob Ford, the Video Game," and "Rob Ford, the Wind-up Toy"--wind it up and it swears at you in a Jamaican accent.

And federal finance minister Jim Flaherty has brought forth his government's 2014 budget. Special offer: for fifty bucks, Jim will come to your house and balance your budget. Call 1-800-BudgeGuy.