Rent-a-Ghost

"Our guest today is Marvin Ghoulburger, president of Ghosts-R-Us. Marvin, tell us about your company."

"Well, P.D., it's very simple, really. It's like an escort service, except we don't supply companions, we supply ghosts."

"Hallowe'en must be a busy time for you."

"You know it, P.D. Hauntings, seances--hard to keep up with the demand."

"What are some of your more popular ghosts?"

"Vlad the Impaler. Rasputin. Richard III--or Dick Three, as the gang calls him. Anne Boleyn is a real favourite--comes with her head tucked underneath her arm. And one who's always up for the night is Bela Lugosi--says he loves to get back in costume."

"Wow, that's quite a lineup of the Walking Dead!"

"I would blush, except vampires don't blush."

"You..you're a vampire?"

"Let me remove that speck from your neck. No--ha ha--just a light humorous remark. Well, this has been great, but gotta run--always a lot of last-minute shoppers to supply, and most of our ghosts are spoken for."

"So what can you offer instead?"

"We have a few witches, some trained bats, packages of ectoplasm, and a new item this year--the Psychopathic Pumpkin."

"The Psychopathic Pumpkin?"

"You've heard of Jack-o-Lanterns?"

"Of course."

"Well ours is Jack-o-Ripper."