Monday, July 31, 2017

Bear on the Links


BC Wildlife officers said today that they had apprehended a large black bear on a suburban golf course. The bear was tranquillized, caged, and later released in a wooded area.

"We spotted him on the ninth tee,"said Officer Clyde Dooley. "Hairiest bear I've ever seen. But I gotta say, he had a good swing."

Officer Ted Bilbow agreed, and added, "Surprising thing was to see a bear wearing plaid Bermuda shorts."

"And," said Dooley, "for a bear, he knew a lot of obscenities."

Freelance sports commentator Slap Maxwell later said he believed the "bear" was actually a golfer named Fred Guilfoyle. "It was a very hot afternoon," said Maxwell, "and Fred pulled off his shirt. Fred is a very hairy guy, so it's easy to see how he could have been taken for a bear."

Mabel Guilfoyle, Fred's wife, said she is not concerned, even though her husband has not returned home after 36 hours. "He does like to spend some time at the 19th hole," she said.

To be safe, however, she has left an electric razor on the putting green. Mrs. Guilfoyle said, "I kept telling him to shave his back."

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