Tuesday, July 25, 2017

Bear Sightings and Bare Sightings

A friend in a woodsy suburb reports a family of bears taking up residence in his backyard. This probably means that my friend's family will stay indoors until snow falls and the bears go for a long snooze.

We have no bears in this neighborhood, but we do have some heavily hirsute residents. Elderly Mrs. McGuinness said she was sure she saw a large black bear prowling through the grounds. I assured her there was nothing to worry about; I would go out and tame the bear.

"Fred," I said to the hairy jogger, "put on a shirt. Or shave your back."

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