Are You Ready for a Throwdown?

So there I was in my kitchen preparing la specialite de la maison:  a peanut butter and cheese sandwich.  Suddenly, the door was flung open, and I heard a familiar New York voice cry, "I'm here to challenge you to a peanut butter and cheese throwdown!"  

Yes, it was Bobby Flay, looking like James Cagney's grandson, and accompanied by his equally daunting assistants, Stephanie and Miriam.  What could I say?  I said, "Uh--okay."

"Great," he said.  "What kind of peanut butter are you using?"

"My usual, " I said.  "Adams Crunchy."

"Sounds terrific," he said, "but I am roasting and grinding my own specially harvested peanuts. And, for an extra dash, I am adding macadamias, cashews, and the rare Nepalese Nugget, grown only in the Himalayan mountain tops.  Whaddya got for cheese?"

"A sharp, extra old cheddar from Armstrong."

"Yeah, that's good, all right.  Adding anything to it?"

"Maybe a little mayo.  Couple of pickles."

"Uh-huh.  Well I'm using this yak's milk cheese from Mongolia.  Then I'm spreading on my own beet root aioli, and for a little punch, some minced poblano and habanera peppers.  It all goes together on this poppy seed challah, which Miriam and Stephanie baked this morning. Whaddya got to drink with that?"

"I usually like a glass of milk."

"Very traditional, and I commend you for that, but I think I'll make my Tequila Surprise. Couple of jiggers of silver tequila, Triple Sec, juice of the rare Saudi Arabian oasis melon, and a sprig of saguaro cactus as garnish.  Okay, let's call in the judges!"

"Judges?"

"That's right.  Steph and Miriam found two for us.  Tell us your names, judges." 

"I'm Todd Fruehling, I'm ten years old, and I love peanut butter."

"Good for you, Kid.  And you, sir?"

"Mah nom ess Phil Foosher and ah jess cum from mah dentish.  Mah jaw ess froshen."

"You'll be fine, Phil.  Okay, now the moment of truth.  My spectacular and innovative take on an old favorite, labeled A, or my friend's humble offering labeled B, although personally I would label it F.  What do you say, judges?  Todd?" 

"I go for A, Mr. Flay.  I loved it!"

"Thanks, Kid."

"And thanks for the five bucks you slipped me."

"Okay, now let's hear from our second judge.  Phil?"

"It's definitely sandwich A!  Those poblano and habanero peppers completely unfroze my jaw, and the tequila has removed all pain!  Bless you, Chef Flay!"

"Well, Steph and Miriam, another triumph.  Let's move on to our next challenge:  pork rind and marmalade casserole.

"All you awesome cooks out there, keep doing what you're doing.  But ask yourself this:  are you ready for a throwdown?"

And then, quickly as they had appeared, they were gone.  I had hoped they might have left some tequila, but no such luck.  I was preparing to bite into my sandwich when the door burst open again.

Could it be?  Yes it was.  Gordon Ramsay.  "Where," he bellowed, "is the #%$*& kitchen?"